Friday, November 30

someone please tell me what are friends for???

who is a friend?
what are they supposed to do?
when are they required to be by ones side??

Monday, November 5

time is like sand
it slips out of the hand
whilst one waits for the
right time
this only time teaches
once it is gone

Wednesday, October 24

amusing :)

A noisy parrot that likes to imitate sounds helped save a man and his son from a house fire by mocking a smoke alarm. while the bird's owner and his 9 year old son slept fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. they awoke to find their home on fire after hearing the family's amazon parrot, Peanut imitating a fire alarm. "He was really screaming his head off," the man said and added "I grabbed my son and my bird, and got out of the house."

Friday, October 5

what do i say when i have no thoughts? it is effortless auto moded. gentle comforting wind - benevolent as always reminds me of what this is all about. 'mentholy' cool waves on top -guiding, almost alluring the attention. as the being melts slowly like an offering to this ocean - oh so fathomlessl(y) deep!!! feels like i have belonged here since sweet eternity. does the idol deity feel the same when we offer Him to the Holy waters?
who is melting in whom?

Friday, September 28

wish there was a man who could see who i really am

Tuesday, September 25

khuda e aks

खुदा- ए- अक्स है वो असएस
जो पो-शिदा हर नस्ल मैं है
मंदिर, मस्जिद, गुरू-द्वारेय
हाज़िर्र हर्र जिस्म मैं हैं
यह दर्द-दे दिल
यह घाम- घुफ्फार
बदोलत 'मैं' के कोह्रें हैं
ज़हनी हिसाभ शक्को- शुब्भा
रूहानी इब्बादत के कांटें हैं
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..
हो मरर- मिटे जिनके लिए
यह कौन शख्स माहिर है
जो रूहानी ही ना हुए
वोह किस मंज़र के साहिर हैं
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..
जो इस लम्हे रगों मैं तेरी
महसूस कर्रा दे जन्नत को
बुलंद तारक तभी पा कर
पहचानेगा कौन पीर है
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..

Monday, September 3

Today ---- the day

Yet again the majestic morning urges the senses

as the Master of the Golden chariot

submitted to his regal discipline,

stands knocking just like every day since eternity.

A glance at my hands overwhelm the praying heart.

Innocent, loving, working hands...uniquely obedient.

Creation's beautiful gift to Her beloved mankind.

Toil- Sweat, Love- Spread, Receive- Give

live this day.

Fingers of flesh and blood symbolizing the flicker of hope

--- encore the message of redemption.

Transcendence from worldly to the other

the eternal passage to (through) the qualities - Divine.

Yes, it is, once again Morning Time.

Friday, August 31

as i sat there watching the birds swim, a deep satisfaction enveloped me. looking at the water soothens the senses as thoughts die out. it is all so wonderful. the majesty of silence.

Tuesday, July 31


I begin with a clarification that the title of this post has its inspiration in a recent interaction with a tiny tot. when asked if she went to school, her evidently well – versed (with what else do we adults strike up a conversation with a small child ?) and instant reply was : Mother’s Pride, U-KG (A), class teacher- Mrs. Deepika Vohra.
Having skipped the rest of the details as furnished by the child (probably by now experience had taught her the common sequence of corresponding questions and she seemed to be a time-energy saving sorts. smart child….) ; I in my elements loudly remarked if the child was sure it was not Mother’s Plight??
Can’t say if the child’s smartness challenged my tiny brain, but the fact that it is tiny was established when I had to abruptly stop howling at my own PJ, once I located the not – so – amused expressions of the mother.
As for the child, she simply derived that I was hard of hearing, repeated the correct name of her posh school once or twice in as best clarity as her tongue could manage and hopped out of the room - as much better stuff allured her than interacting with a dumb adult.

Coming back to mother’s plight, let me introduce my 5 year old nephew about whom this post is about. He is the first and the only third generation member in my immediate family. Basically he is the edifice of my exposure to small children living in close proximity.
To put it plainly: there has never been a single good – bye (he stays with his parents in a different city) that I have simultaneously hated and loved more.
The times when he is here or I am there, nothing else in my life commands for more attention than this little creature. The child is high on NQ (nonsense quotient)!!
Psychologists declare that children up to 5 yrs. (plus – minus 5 yrs!!) are totally EGO oriented: it is My – Me – Myself for them.
So the child can sleep at 7 in the evening so as to get up at 4 in the morning and make ones life hell, if one tries to even slightly procrastinate fulfilling His wish to visit the local playground. Okay, so I get up, rush to the local park – dressed still in my pajamas, disheveled hair, yawning and trying not to topple over something…only to be told 5 minutes later that He is hungry!!! Morning walkers- kindly uncle jis and aunty jis look at the ‘poor child’ and inwardly sympathize with him for having to bear with a negligent guardian.

Next, he can squash wasps and all sorts of ugly creepy crawlies with His bare hands but the reason he cannot eat food on his own is: his hands may get soiled. So my mom or me or any other person entrusted with the humongous task has to constantly run after him balancing food plates in one hand, so as to stuff the next morsel in His Highness’ mouth. We are often screamed at for not realizing that He is not finished with His mouthful as yet.
The only easy way out is to put Cartoon Network which has the magical powers to dazzle him totally. He keeps his mouth open all the time while watching the world of animation and this eases the task for us manifolds. Also as he sits glued in front of the screen like a stone, this helps save us lot of calories. However this option weighs too heavily on our moralities and is mostly not taken recourse to. I strongly feel that in state of total crisis, Cartoon Network is the best anti-dote for all hysteria.

Although this fellow can’t read a full sentence but insists that he must be bought all those glossy paged story books. So who reads them for him??? Obviously me - mind you - not once or twice but close to 100 times over and over again.

Of course visiting shopping centers or even local kiraana shops can be an experience when he is around. He is innovative in his techniques so if crying has become too stale and boring, he can howl, scream or best simply refuse to walk or move an inch from the spot. At times to spice up things and add up visual treat for on lookers he adds up acts of physical audacity by simply spreading on the floor - there and then.

Great men have said: that curiosity for the world around makes the child inquisitive.
There are times when I have won the battle for TV. Even if it so happens that through much cajoling and promises for future goodies, one gets to watch anything else but cartoons BEWARE : one may be smothered with questions of plain curiosity like kyoun, kaise (hows and whys) which by default find a way to attach themselves to every answer that one manages for the previous set. Yes, with a 5 yr old it is possible. With a 5 year old anything is possible…..

I can go on and on with all these things and incidents or I can end this post with one line: despite everything, we all adore him. Don’t ask me the kyoun and kaise behind this. I have no possible rational answers for this one :):):)

Wednesday, July 11

dil se dil ki raah hoti hai....

hey black hole!!
this one is for you
head to korea...

Sunday, July 8

Aie dil-e nadaan
Aie dil-e nadaan……

Aarzo? kya hai ?
Justo-joo kya hai?

Aie dil-e nadaan….

Hum bhatakte hain…

Kyoun bhatakte hain??
Dashto - sehra main

Aisa lagta hai
Mauj pyaasi hai
Apne dariya main

Kaisi uljhan hai….

Kyoun yeh uljhan hai
Aek saaya sa
Rubaru kya hai??

Aie dil-e nadaan
Aie dil-e nadaan……

Aarzo? kya hai ?
Justo-joo kya hai?

Kya kayaamat hai…..

Kya museebat hai….

Keh nahin sakte
Kisska armaan hai

Zindagi jaise
Khoi - khoi hai
Hairaan - hairaan hai

Yeh zameen chup hai..

Aasmaan chup hai…

Fir yeh dhadkan see
Chaaro - soon kya hai

Aie dil-e nadaan..

Thursday, July 5

Saturday, June 16

Thursday, June 14


Once upon a time in zzzland, there lived two eligible prince charmings :Champat kumar and Champak kumar. Champat kumar was tall and dandy and Champak kumar had the advantage of family and tradition.
Then to add a point to the tale, there was an Apple pie too. As expected she was sweet and sweeter…:d

Sadly in zzzland, people have fetish for ironies and so does the creator of the trio : Champat kumar, Champak kumar and Apple pie.

As the norm would have it, Apple pie waits demurely to be grabbed by the faster of the two but you see, she was the modern day liberated pie. She decided that it was about time she chose who it was going to be or if it was going to be anyone at all……

By the way, did i mention - she was in possession of an otherwise useless but over-sized, extra- logical brain.
So Apple pie introduced the element of diplomacy to the equation. Now what is the ground rule for diplomacy?
lets see:
Two parties have obvious, overt, antagonistic interests ------meaning ------the welfare/fulfillment of one's (interests) shall automatically mean absolute loss of the other..
So to please and pacify – already on the brink- junta, who is otherwise all too willing to de-throne the leaders, a diplomat engages his/her counterpart in an act of diplomacy.
Initially both brag about their individual concerns,, issues…bla bla bla…..

And later at some stage of mutual exhaustion, both introduce such an absurd condition for peace on the other, that it cannot be accepted by the other without surrendering its primary interest which s/he is there to preserve in the first place.

So what is achieved at the end is as a zero-sum condition.

Now it is natural if one were to ask, what does anyone to gain out of this obvious total sham? ???
The answer is : Golden state of status quo. Nothing-No one moves not even an inch. Everything stays just the same.

Diplomat bhai log are happy because they never seek a solution anyways- you see, the problem must stay for the logic of their own survival as leaders…so as long as the problem stays, they stay too.
No love is lost. Who is fooled- the pacified junta…..

These days Apple pie is found grinning ear to ear in zzzland
Oh yes!! Although there are no happily ever afters---
Oh come on she shall survive…not to worry--- she is not seeking any either

Saturday, June 9

Kalpa Taru

i wish to be a lush green tree - an innocent witnessing child.

as i thrive on the blessed love of my mother who nourishes me from her compassionate womb. she - the earth sustains me - so that i grow lush and strong.
i am the 'green saari' of hers whom she drapes around her waist to protect her chastity.

tired souls, battered beings seek comfort in the silent re-assurance of my existence. i feel honourably fulfilled to shower my soothing shade upon my creator's creation.

times when greedy hands rob me off, when unconscious - unaware existences vandalise. when there is unrelenting heat and unkept promises by monsoons and others. .....

still my source - my mother- shall bequeath me with the last drop of her life-giving blood. for me her child to sustain.

and so shall i be - as she wants me to be.
that wish granting tree - the kalpa- taru.

Tuesday, May 29

wondering how RD always knows when i need not to be left alone..even when i declare it with absolute determination

Monday, May 28

HUMILITY - 28th May '07

I make no claims to wisdom, but i am learning in this of the chapters from my lessons

Vanity corrodes the character. A woman's vanity can be the most unfortunate as well as the most lethal quality having within its womb the seeds of such unfortunate destruction.
it can bring discord and animosity within the family, sour relationships, cause wars and bring down empires.

This is what History cautioned civilizations when she laid bare her darkest secrets over time.
At the moment when Draupadi called out to Duryodhan and ridiculed him, she must have turned deaf to the gentle reminders of traditional wisdom. Humility was sacrificed when her docile mannerisms faded in comparison to the mesmerizing headiness of a woman's vanity - held inside her proud breast.

Vanity can blind one completely to the most obvious. the dizzying highs of ego's flight are bound to make her ignore the ditches that lie right in front - ignore the obvious - and justify everything---just about everything.

When age long wisdom tells us that humility is the beauty that survives through time - vanity can make a 'beautiful woman' lose her priceless 'jewels' of unconditional love and dross- free compassion.

I learnt my lesson and pray to 'Buddha' - The Great Master - I may always remember this one.

Sunday, May 27

does it help?

there are certain things in life which have no possible explanations.
certain acts which cannot be justified.
certain secrets which can never be shared.....
wishing luck

Wednesday, May 23

for my friends...


Tuesday, May 22

goli maaro bheje main....;)

i have come to realize that this entity called mind loves playing tricks with me all the time. last night i had this weirdest dream..... my mind was up to playing tricks .....
what did i dream???
well....its almost embarrassing. i was amazed that not only did i dream of this person, but that i was kinda 'getting cosy' with this person in some far off place !!!
so this was outrageous.. it was otherwise a beautiful dream because i saw so many lovely if the entire sky line was a mammoth LCD screen, with fire works and what not. and yes all this in full colour!!! yes i do get them in colour many times.

so i get up i the morning and am overwhelmed with this complicated and very ambivalent feel....i am amazed at the audacity of my mind as well as the creative expression and the overall beauty of the experience. yes it was like a dream!!!

now, coming to the point of writing this post and going 'public' with this experience is certainly not to titillate. i am more keen on sharing my experiment with the disciplining of this mind thing.

i must confess that i have a tendency to float into a stream of almost uncontrollable and often no purpose thoughts. having had the experience of this rather extra- ordinary dream, it was quite likely that i would have indulged into the 'enchanting' task of 'thinking' and try and lay bare the psychological reasons - like - why did i dream this? what does it indicate? and all the rest.

however today i experimented a little and began to simply 'witness' this whole issue.

firstly, i reminded my brain (mind you my logical brain) that this is merely a dream..which in itself is merely an extension of the various wanted or un -wanted thoughts which i get in a day (as a result of my total reactions to people, things, situations which most of the times are beyond my control- yes except for my reactions).

so, cutting through all the maze of illusion which the mind seeks to spin around....would i be doing justice to my own overall sense of balance and stability..if i were to treat it as anything more than that? should i allow my thought process to go in an overdrive and entangle myself in the de-stabalizing emotional ripples that it may generate?

and the answer that i received was a clear cut - unambiguous- stout NO.
so this is what i did...
i simply smiled at the audacity of my mind and told it to stop playing games with me. i clearly told it to shut up.

he hehe this time this bheja knew who the real master is :))

Thursday, May 17

yes every woman knows instinctively.......

Her eyes flashed, and her voice was raspy, "It was neither the comeliness of a celestial maiden nor the blooming of her youth as much as the need for sport of a different kind. The need of a tired king, for him she was nothing more than one among countless women he has seduced, a fresh spring that quenched his thirst and rejuvenated him with that excitement."

source :

like in the latest hindi movie chini kum (amitabh and tabu starrer) has a dialogue:
"marriage is the cost that men pay up for sex and sex is the cost women pay up for marriage"

Tuesday, May 15

15th May, 2007

one does not need reminders on phones to remember promises. special ones are preserved in hearts....

hey Jacky,
its been so long that i lost count..anyways i was never good in maths!!!
remember the time when Dr. Baghai looked at us in utter disbelief that two people could be so happy to be put together....ghosh i still remember her expressions.
i know i was late the VERY FIRST day and made you wait in the rain!!! ..actually it was my strategy to prepare you for lessons in patience!!
hmm and how about the times when the two of us would walk for hours together only to catch a return bus back home
and how we fought over those stupid guys and had our own set of 'krack-jack' code done up. i still feel, "the thunderous three" was a not the happiest graft on our friendship but hey! did we not learn so much?
did we ever follow our lessons...honestly---hmmmm...yeah i know we are still pretty much the same

wish you luck love and happiness sweety
loads of love

Sunday, May 13

and a few more....

agar aisa ho to kya ho?

i wonder about the possibility of living in a far off place like this and and occasionally coming for a vacation to the city. hmmm it is a possibility. well, for now, here are a few pics from my recent visit to Havlock island (Andamans). top one is actually of a small golf-course at Port Blair.

Thursday, May 10

sometimes one cannot help but just watch ones loved one pass through 'that' phase.
no one can help except for ones own self
wish all my friends well.
take care you all

aur kya bass yahi to

Wednesday, April 25

a casual entry finds its place

ummm now what is this going to be about? one thing is certainly beginning to pinch me. well i am not exactly too fond of structures and cliches. off late i have realized this blog has become more of that. i mean i did start out thinking it would be more of a journal for me where something interesting and worthwhile may come up in b/w. but that's about it.
its been so long that i posted something of an update sorts. i mean how am i ever going to remember what happened to me in these days of my life when i don't write about them.
but then there is lot of stuff which one cant write because it is public
work front is strange and i am faced with weird and odd situations. it is such a task to meet my guide these days. just today in the morning when i was in middle of my 'girl talk' with the lady clerk, he just crawled up behind me out of nowhere. well i was not exactly planning to meet him but he as usual presumed that i must and asked me to wait!!!
when the truth is that i am not there to see him!!! somehow he has an odd habit of presuming too many things
so i wait almost patiently when jo and jaspal are waiting for me. we had to visit the council office for jaspal's visa papers. i went inside while his meeting is still on and do tell him that i have a meeting and i need to rush off. but he insists on seeing me after the meeting.
man!! i finally decide to push off and begin to write a note for him but that very moment he calls me in and is vague in his talk.
gotta do some serious thinking about all this that's on.

Monday, April 23

Tough times are God's way of teaching 'us' lessons of life
Good times are God's own secret way of testing us whether 'we' remember our lessons
There is a simple saying in Hindi which means - a fully laden tree is humble because it bends forward, whereas a barren tree stands erect in pride.

Monday, April 16

woh kehte hai na.

When going gets tough
tough gets going

Tuesday, April 10


this is an overlap from free spirit but i wish to share it here

confusions rule the world of words. because words are to be interpretted to make meanings. if i say A, someone else may assume it to be Z. if i say it indirectly, it can be misunderstood. if i say it for X, Y thinks it is for him. it is the tragedy of i wish, we were just blessed with the faculty of feeling the right - intended meaning. it takes a lot of courage to keep trust and faith when all the words (seem to) point otherwise.
other person should be given the benefit of doubt to a reasonable degree. why not hold opinions for a while and let things fall in place - bigger picture?

Sunday, April 8

ae zindagi gale laga le
humne bhi tere har ek gham ko
gale se lagaya hai..
hai na?

Monday, April 2

no cribbing :))

  • all sun blocks fail in front of direct afternoon sun. one cannot avoid tanned patches all over
  • in times of need a face wash can be a substitute for a body wash and yes a shampoo too :)
  • i can survive on wet wipes

  • few days back i had the privilege to meet a sister brother duo named Honey and Raja respectively. i mean what kind of parents would do that to their children. imagine a Ms. Honey as a secretarial assistant to a company boss and he would be like "err.. Ms Honey can ya get some sugar for my tea!!!! and trust me guys i could not possibly without crossing my limits of decency address the guy with his name......what a riot if one has to ask this fellow to come and sit with you or whatever---"Raja yahaan aaja" ;)
  • matlab i have known all the sonus and monus and buntis and pinkis even bobby and a babloo too, but none of them had these names on their tenth class certificates but a certain honey and raja took their boards on these names !!!!

  • a delhite can survive alone in any place in the world...okay, okay--- in India.
  • as i travelled in a certain southern indian metropolis independently, my training with the auto walas from delhi made me instinctively to suspect the driver's integrity. so i hop into an auto and ask him to take me to a certain place, he nods in a yes and the next thing i ask is " meter se chalna " and this fellow looks around with a weird expression on his face "aur kaise chalunga" .....and all i mange to reciprocate is a sheepish grin.
  • there is no Indian city to match up to delhi in terms of infrastructure--- the roads are smooth, wide; traffic is fast and organized, buses and autos are in plenty and to top it all delhi metro is the hippest thing to happen. :)
  • and not to forget the line up of huge green trees, gulmohurs and jaamun all along the roads in central delhi and the very very pleasantly done round abouts. it is an absolute delight to drive in this area during both the warm and sunny winter mornings and the blooming spring seasons. one has to experience it to believe it. :)))

Thursday, March 15

it feels strange writing this today. this is more of a personal post than anything else. i dont know exactly but the feeling is like - i am not sad for sure.
umm mmm yes i am stable but at the same time therz some vacuum inside. am not able to locate its reason for being i merely thinking too much ??
okay let me just flow with the flow...
why do we dream? do they mean anything. i mean at few imp. points of my life i remeber my sub conscious has sent me signals which i was able to co relate or interpret only later. i was able to help myself sometimes but not always.
do i need to help myself right now, but then about what???

Wednesday, March 14

sigh :((

locked out for the third time in two days!!!

Sunday, March 11


thank you spic macay for bringing great musical moments in life.

S' birthday went off pretty well. umm actually apacalypto was not what i may have exactly bargained for :D
yeah, S did get introduced to Santoor - another first in her life :))

however, today this post is not about what all happened that eventful day (it was quite a roller-coaster for me!!), i want to write something about indian classical music cum society circle.

now coming back to what i began with. spic macay is doing a great job for sure and so are the NDMC guys through their finely arranged 'music in park' series.
there has been something on my mind for sometime now. its about how all these big personalities differ despite their commonly held dedication and surrender to classical music. if one were to look at them- almost all have carved a place in the modern world through their own hard work and efforts. i mean many have belonged to the famous legendary gharanas, but with independence and the on set of the so called 'modern times', many of their patrons were gone. so this young crop had to adapt themeselves and may i say 'market' their art in the right way in the new times.
Amjad Ali Khan sahib is certainly one of the best. he has a face that is radinat and comes out as a very gentle person. however, i feel he has really promoted his sons very well. something which Anoushka Shankar may also share with Amaan and Ayaan Ali Bangaash.
i remember, having read somewhere about Ustaad Bismillah Khan, whose sons were rather disappointed with their father for not having promoted them as well as 'others' do.
Bismillah Sahib was a rare personality and i have had a unique and a rare opportunity of witnessing a very private recitation in which Khan sahib was at so much ease and had a long informal chat. and he came out as a really innocent and very simple person- almost like a child.

as i write this, i feel this post has not come out with any particular theme or direction. but i want to leave it just like this- unbounded and non structured.

ps: we all know that evrything must change with times, but all changes are not good either or are they??

Tuesday, March 6


  • if one is sad or in a foul mood and feeling down and oh so lonely...and some friend or well wisher takes time out ..shows concern and tries to cheer one up---- don't take too long to cheer up. trust me it feels good to finally cheer up :))
  • the added advantage of - jaldi se maan janna- is one may not feel guilty of having hurt that friend/well wishers' good will

  • take small breaks from work.....yes get up and start moving around. getting some fresh air helps tremendously. like i remember during my pg days when i had to sit for long in one place studying, it used to get extremely gloomy. suddenly i discovered that just getting up and taking my leisurely walk around the campus was really really helpful.

  • so people even if you do not have parks or mountains or sea in the vicinity...just step out of that cubicle, feel the blue , limitless expanse of the sky( may be the terrace or balcony- whatever).

  • next, try and see how your thoughts are moving. i mean in what direction are they going. are they positive or negative? more importantly where are they sourced from-- are they gloomy reminders of what happened in past or nervous anxieties about future. and remember the greatest possible, unshakable, rock solid truth----PAST IS OVER & FUTURE DOES NOT EXIST.

  • enjoy the present -- the NOW MOMENT. :))))

Friday, March 2


holi the festival of colors
the festival welcoming new season
a celebration of colors
colors of life too
a festival marking the hawana of all that is evil within
a festival symbolizing life, spring, enjoyment, collective joy
a festival that comes every year giving us a chance to forgive and be forgiven. shed all malices and any and all ill feelings towards friends, relations..everybody
its a time for burying differences and bonding again in love
starting afresh :))))
lets all enjoy................


this blog so far has been a journal of my experiences, observations and understandings of the moment. of course writing them all down has also helped me to realize that all that one thinks or believes also keeps changing...changing because its evolving.

as i stand today, i have wondered about something which may best be worded as - sense of self. um mm...i am no psychologist to have any technical or precise definitions. but continuing with my habit of penning down what i feel. i do know know that i don't want to discuss what it means or what it comprises of.

self is the most individual thing a being can have- everybody shall agree to that. however
i feel this self is actually expandable. in a way that the consciousness about self and being can actually transcend beyond the limits of individual life force.
simply putting, my consciousness of this self or being this self moves to another level, where i or myself is not what i have been conditioned into believing, because of being this individual that i am.
lets take a very tangible example. tangible because its an emotion that has been experienced or written about by so many lucky people that it derives a strange cliched legitimacy of sorts. (however, i do feel rather restricted in the scope of this topic by citing this example.)

expansion of the idea or feeling of self may happen in cases where two individuals feel their sense of self transcending through genuine and intense feelings of love and connection with another being. like a lover may feel towards his/her soul mate - to put it in the regular style :) in this bond, two people do experience their sense of selves melting into another's and both belonging or existing as one entity.

moving from this example, i propose (propose is a word that has sadly to be used because language has its limitations- this is certainly not an argument but a feeling which can be communicated at this level only through words :(

so what if this sense of transcending ones self -galvanized through the medium of pure love moves from the restricting bondages of carnal love. love which is free of dross completely. love which sprouts within because it feeds on an eternal life force....a belonging which is there because we are all part and parcel of that whole - that is there -as it contains us all- as ONE

the sense of self grows expands and permeates in all. it loves because it is nothing but love. it is stable and secure. it does not feel challenged because there is no other. probably the concept of ADVAITA or non duality is a spiritual manifestation of this feeling. all that "i" have known uptill now as my own small- restricted self then withers away..... losing its relevance completely because it is obselete. it merges and assumes its crowning glory of the whole- the king.

Tuesday, February 27


everything comes from there, everything goes back there.
in between lies a moment..this life, existence, the being.

Friday, February 23

Before i knew that i am.

it is perfect
so perfect in all its subtleties and complexities
me-mine-myself entities too shallow
to grasp the whole.
it is the heart that speaks this time.
urges to stop looking around..running around in circles.
"Halt" - It commands.
i know not if i should listen- is it me - it is meaning to?
difficult situations, complex questions wear 'the me' down.
tired and bitter- drowning in intoxicating pain.
The Consciousness whispers gently from the heart. "can you listen now?"- "will you?"
"Fear not"- so She soothes the aching edges. aching because they are angular- "dont you see?"
"Look no further...close your eyes - feel it."
It has been here all along ...ummmm even before the ego evolved.
before i knew that i am.
before She led me to the Gates.

Wednesday, February 21

someone knocked at my door today

tell me, do you feel it? do you feel it around? the unrelenting gigantic force pushes me into submission.
once again it has been me - the rebellious atom bursting in my tiny cup of self. what makes the foolishly daring ego to cook up dreams? waiting to lose my glory in the shallows of frothy success -
why does time flow, wont it put a pause , put a hault on its disciplined steps? does its heart has strings too? would it - the merciful one wait? and drop by - just this time to ask what i wish for?
oh wait, i know, even if it does...i would be silent -just like before
secretly i know that it (time) knows it knows it gave me a sturdy spirit :)

Friday, February 16


aage bhi
jaane na tu
peeche bhi jaane na tu
jo bhi hai bass yahi ek pal hai
jo bhi hai bass yahi ek pal hai
aanjaani rahoon ka
iss jag main dera hai
andekhi baahon ne hum sab ko ghera hai
ek pal ujala hai
baaki andhera hai
yeh pal gawaana na
yeh pal hi tera hai
jeene waale soche le
yahi pal hai
poori karr le aarzoo....

Wednesday, February 14

so shall it be
spoke the holy wind
you shall become
what you choose to be
just remember one thing
the master has created you
she owns you forever
but you are cursed to be free
and contest reality
yes my child
you are free
but first go and find
what that means
and only then
i shall take you
and you be mine
forever and forever

Monday, February 5

i am a slave and if i choose to be - i may be my own master

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what i choose it to mean. Neither more or less.'
'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'
'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'who is the master. That is all.'

whatever else language may serve a purpose, it stays a social activity or a medium for all social activities. language in itself is a system of expressions which employs symbols or lets call them words to represent things. "words do not merely reflect the realities around us, they also help to shape what we see and structure attitudes towards it. in effect language helps to create the world itself..."
the problem of interpretation and semantics is therefore acute and i feel it more keenly in the virtual world. all expressions and words can actually mean as many different things as the number of brains acting upon to decipher its meanings.
so one is led to the constant vicious dilemma of discretion. however discretion - its flow and direction is also manipulated by the particular context, en-culturation, background, experience and the total environment within which the reader finds him/herself.
so how does one ever cut through the haze and froth of what ones mind shows us as the truth? one of the ways is to undergo the painfully long and almost Utopian process/ideal of dialectical movement towards the truth - the ultimate knowledge. one goes on negating all that in life that reveals itself as something else but the truth.
that is surely a long drawn and cumbersome process and is still not fool proof. at such a state one is reminded of what one of the Prophets of the world - Mohammad Sahab said: "Quiama ke samye, khuda aapke ke honth sill denge aur apke haath apke khilaaf shahaadat denge."

Wednesday, January 24

prayers & birthaday wishes 4 two very spl. people - 25th & 26th January, 2007.

Ganpati mujh deen kee
vinati karo parwaan tum
deen main , tum ho daayalu
daata krippa nidhaan tum
muladhaar main tum ho biraaje
karro krippa tum aan karr
apne gun hum sabb main bhar do
apna baalak jaan kar
mehkaa do mann ka bageecha
ho buddhi ki khaan tum
kya kami usko hai rehti
jiss parr ho dayawaan tum
Ganpati mujh deen ki
vinati karo parwaan tum

Saturday, January 20

time out

the other day, zzz went along with j to get some permission papers signed from a big boss. since the matter got a little bit out of hand, after the usual follow up cribb session was over, it was decided the two needed a neat break.
btw, madam J has finaaly listened to her inner voice (!!!!) and decided to forsake her residencey at the queensdom!!!- now thats another sob story - poor J

anyways getting back to this one, after much pep talk and stuff, zzz finally succeded in convincing the stubborn soul (ouch-i am dead if she reads this!!) the benefits of having spontaniety as a spice for life.
since this being zzz, more the merrier - is the ground rule. S should be called in too. a quick call(s) followed. S being S - always willing (hey- i mean it in the most positive way :)

as things stood J and zzz land early- much early. J wants to eat and get it over with. but hang on - a brilliant idea popps up in zzz's head. hey!! till we wait, why not go and try out some..uummmm stones..well, to be precise - solitaires :d
so here we go.....zzz went mad, tried out all those rocks in all her ten fingers..could have utilized the toes if the snooty sales executive had permitted!!!! and J sat there smiling embaraasingly for her friend's histrionics. zzz still feels J sat there sulking- 'cause J feels her hands are not as beautiful as the rest of her - babe has some concepts man!!!
anyways, the two had a jolly good time overall and reached the eatery. J could not be stopped anylonger- she just had to eat. so she went ahead and ordered. thankfully S followed sooon.

scene 2:
as the three of them sat there, J and S on one side and zzz facing them. both sat there talking in ulti-pulti french-J's latest passion. S sulked how she missed joining it again this session.
as for zzz- she had a good time as she stared unblikningly at the huge tv screen soaking her much starved senses with the charms of the idiot box.(reason: the CAS story in delhi. theres a battle of wits back at zzz home reagrding installation of the new set top box for tv. it is silently held by all the residents that who so ever asks for the new tv first- is automatically going to be labelled the 'most addicted one' to the idiot box. so currently everyone is battling with an ever increasing uneasiness of not having watched tv for almsot25 days!!!)
coming back, as zzz lost her self in the video, suddenly she noticed a guy sitting in the corner having a through and very convinient look at her. zzz is too embarassed and turns around- both of them still trying there french-aagh!!! two guys sitting on the other end quietly munching there snacks- boring!!

after J left, S and zzz went back to the univ. another round of late evening chai followed. S sat there sulking about the infant from bombay, tripped on some stone, the night ended as both worried a little about the unknown future and went back to their homes.

Friday, January 19

break free

lemme fly..lemme fly
dont tie me down
lemme fly
dont cut my wings...
lemme fly....
this is not where i belong...
dont bound me in chains
chains of desires...structures...relationships - which gnaw (at) my flesh and her spirit
let me be
what i truly am
ever - loving
free and unbound

Wednesday, January 17

today i clicked on one wrong button and that sent an invitation from my messenger id to all the people in my address list.
i am so embarassed for this, because the invite has been sent to all the people and they must all be wondering if i am in my right sense, that includes my professors, long lost aquaintances and many more.....
i donno how posting this confession here would un-do what has been already done :(((((((((

Tuesday, January 16

saagar kinaare..dil yeh pukare..
tu jo nahin to mera..koi nahin hai

Saturday, January 13

prabhu zjyacha re

bhae kaae taya,
prabhu zjyacha re
bhae kaae taya....
sarva visarli
prabhu maya jhaali
purna zjyachi vaacha re
bhae kaae taya...

This is the age of illussions. this is an ancient story (i dont want to name it a mythological story) when Nal (from the famous Nal- Damyanti story) caught hold of Kali - the devil, he i.e., Nal decided to kill him. as he was about to do so, Kali spoke to his captor and told that Nal may kill him but first he must know of Kali's significance. Kali (the devil) then spoke of his importance in his age that is the 'Kali-Yuga'. it would be the time of illussions and common simple house-holders (gruhasthas) and the great men alike would be cursed to be caught in the web of various challenges in their path to spiritual enlightenment. but it would be the significance of this age only that common householders would be able to attain their spiritual upliftment (yoga).

are we all experiencing atleast some of the features of this prediction in our current times?
almost everybody experiences a deep desire a hypnotic quest at some points of time in our lives. this feature gets more frequent as a regualr phase in our modern, solitary living.
as things stand today, most of us have had to move out of our homes, away from our families and their emotional support base. almost all are made to appreciate work structures where 'being proffesional' translates as being detached, impersonal and unconcerned.
individualism as a philosophy grafts sterile conditions upon our daily collective existence. i call it as grafting because it is not an organic/natural growth. we as human beings- as one species- the most evolved of all living things on earth are intrinsicly connected...connected at some higher spiritual (lets take it as a hypothesis atleast) level.

one pointer is the feel of desire, that unquenched quest that haunts us all - mostly when we are alone. more often, we may fail to pin-pointedly lay our hands upon what that quest is..
who am I? what is it that I am looking for? is the similiar haunting question. sometimes we may interpret it as something material to be achieved in terms of money, career goals, buying/building our own house, car, etc.
at a slightly deeper level, one may feel the desire..almost a hankering to be with someone...the thrill of a new romance, or companionship from a particular person etc.

and almost everyone experiences a heart-break at some point of time of our mad run for accomplishing these desires. and we may react to it in different ways. for some- getting back to normal may be more easy than others. its generally held that those with good emotional back-up mechanism (mind you which has been kept well oiled- almost all our friends have been thru that phase) tend to normalize sooner.

then the big question is what is it that all of us are looking for? what is that real thing - the hankering for which makes us so anxious. what is it that is that collective common objective, the ultimate goal which tends to vent out in our individual selves as desire for things that we know deep down to be temporary in their satisfaction. things and relationships may never serve the kind of satisfaction which our inner core yearns for.

all of us -as fellow beings need to find out what that goal is, which laid that deep intrinsically collective desire in all humans. it may be dormant in few and extremely keen in others but it is that wish that exists in us all. and because it is constant (in its form and spirit) in each one - its manifestation has to be constant in all too.

Wednesday, January 3

umblical chord

this new year had the usual start to it- or so i thought. i had a big argument with my mom yesterday ( not anything new- i guess for all mothers and daughters). my mom says that our systems would not be able to digest our food if we two were not to fight. but i must add that now days we seldom have the privelege of fully digested meals.
anyways, i give major credit for that to myself!!! i have genuinely believed myself to be the more reasonable of the two of us and it is largely because of my merit and nobility that things stay calm at home...yawn
coming to the point, as you may note that i guessed that there was nothing unsusal about our argument this time also except for it being the first in the new year. but today i explored another aspect of my relationship with my mom. actually this time she was genuinely at fault which she most certainly realized and like a good mom said 'sorry' as well. now whenever my mom says sorry (and thats like the rarest of rare possibilities) - simply the majesty and rarity of the occassion makes all of us bow down in sheer awe and splendour of the moment. the anger and grievances evaporate in thin air and a splendid peace and gratitude envelops us all and that includes my dad most of all ;)
however this time what started off from being somewhat different, turned out to be really different. as i have mentioned we had the freshh argument no 1, 2007 , yesterday evening. mommy dear realized that this case fell in the odd category of sorry-ism from her end, came to my sulk-room and uttered the magicall words. and it felt soooooooo nice and to tell you honestly, i was almost relieved because this time i really did not want to aplogise. she stood there waiting for me to smile back and as the majesty of the moment commanded- i could not resist a faint smile in its response.
so basically that was the ground zero situation when i went to bed last night. easy but not too easy detente hung over the house as the night embraced me with her sleepy gift.
but when i woke up in the morning, a rebellious thought popped up its infant head in me. "why should i give up so easily?" and finding the overall atmosphere in the house favourable, i dug up a fake anger within and greeted the parents with a sullen face. this was also part of a clever starategy to orient my father to the current issue who was uptill now blissfully ignorant about all this. as expected he asked if something was bothereing me and i did not let go off the opportunity.
since then mom has said sorry THREE times (i am begining to feel sadistic about it). she has called up twice to enquire about the mundane things like- how am i doing!! he he
i already feel bored with this new dimension of my mother's love for her unreasonable daughter. and its part of my introspective exercise that i am writing this post. she is expected back soon and i think i am gonna come back to being my normal silly self than this snobbish one. all this is so unlike both of us.
moral of the story- daughters are born to mothers to fight and argue. this is nature's way of training them to become wonderfully accomplished wives. he hehe
ps: all this not to be taken too seriously. this is for TP. so guys don't be scared :)