Thursday, March 15

it feels strange writing this today. this is more of a personal post than anything else. i dont know exactly but the feeling is like - i am not sad for sure.
umm mmm yes i am stable but at the same time therz some vacuum inside. am not able to locate its reason for being i merely thinking too much ??
okay let me just flow with the flow...
why do we dream? do they mean anything. i mean at few imp. points of my life i remeber my sub conscious has sent me signals which i was able to co relate or interpret only later. i was able to help myself sometimes but not always.
do i need to help myself right now, but then about what???

Wednesday, March 14

sigh :((

locked out for the third time in two days!!!

Sunday, March 11


thank you spic macay for bringing great musical moments in life.

S' birthday went off pretty well. umm actually apacalypto was not what i may have exactly bargained for :D
yeah, S did get introduced to Santoor - another first in her life :))

however, today this post is not about what all happened that eventful day (it was quite a roller-coaster for me!!), i want to write something about indian classical music cum society circle.

now coming back to what i began with. spic macay is doing a great job for sure and so are the NDMC guys through their finely arranged 'music in park' series.
there has been something on my mind for sometime now. its about how all these big personalities differ despite their commonly held dedication and surrender to classical music. if one were to look at them- almost all have carved a place in the modern world through their own hard work and efforts. i mean many have belonged to the famous legendary gharanas, but with independence and the on set of the so called 'modern times', many of their patrons were gone. so this young crop had to adapt themeselves and may i say 'market' their art in the right way in the new times.
Amjad Ali Khan sahib is certainly one of the best. he has a face that is radinat and comes out as a very gentle person. however, i feel he has really promoted his sons very well. something which Anoushka Shankar may also share with Amaan and Ayaan Ali Bangaash.
i remember, having read somewhere about Ustaad Bismillah Khan, whose sons were rather disappointed with their father for not having promoted them as well as 'others' do.
Bismillah Sahib was a rare personality and i have had a unique and a rare opportunity of witnessing a very private recitation in which Khan sahib was at so much ease and had a long informal chat. and he came out as a really innocent and very simple person- almost like a child.

as i write this, i feel this post has not come out with any particular theme or direction. but i want to leave it just like this- unbounded and non structured.

ps: we all know that evrything must change with times, but all changes are not good either or are they??

Tuesday, March 6


  • if one is sad or in a foul mood and feeling down and oh so lonely...and some friend or well wisher takes time out ..shows concern and tries to cheer one up---- don't take too long to cheer up. trust me it feels good to finally cheer up :))
  • the added advantage of - jaldi se maan janna- is one may not feel guilty of having hurt that friend/well wishers' good will

  • take small breaks from work.....yes get up and start moving around. getting some fresh air helps tremendously. like i remember during my pg days when i had to sit for long in one place studying, it used to get extremely gloomy. suddenly i discovered that just getting up and taking my leisurely walk around the campus was really really helpful.

  • so people even if you do not have parks or mountains or sea in the vicinity...just step out of that cubicle, feel the blue , limitless expanse of the sky( may be the terrace or balcony- whatever).

  • next, try and see how your thoughts are moving. i mean in what direction are they going. are they positive or negative? more importantly where are they sourced from-- are they gloomy reminders of what happened in past or nervous anxieties about future. and remember the greatest possible, unshakable, rock solid truth----PAST IS OVER & FUTURE DOES NOT EXIST.

  • enjoy the present -- the NOW MOMENT. :))))

Friday, March 2


holi the festival of colors
the festival welcoming new season
a celebration of colors
colors of life too
a festival marking the hawana of all that is evil within
a festival symbolizing life, spring, enjoyment, collective joy
a festival that comes every year giving us a chance to forgive and be forgiven. shed all malices and any and all ill feelings towards friends, relations..everybody
its a time for burying differences and bonding again in love
starting afresh :))))
lets all enjoy................


this blog so far has been a journal of my experiences, observations and understandings of the moment. of course writing them all down has also helped me to realize that all that one thinks or believes also keeps changing...changing because its evolving.

as i stand today, i have wondered about something which may best be worded as - sense of self. um mm...i am no psychologist to have any technical or precise definitions. but continuing with my habit of penning down what i feel. i do know know that i don't want to discuss what it means or what it comprises of.

self is the most individual thing a being can have- everybody shall agree to that. however
i feel this self is actually expandable. in a way that the consciousness about self and being can actually transcend beyond the limits of individual life force.
simply putting, my consciousness of this self or being this self moves to another level, where i or myself is not what i have been conditioned into believing, because of being this individual that i am.
lets take a very tangible example. tangible because its an emotion that has been experienced or written about by so many lucky people that it derives a strange cliched legitimacy of sorts. (however, i do feel rather restricted in the scope of this topic by citing this example.)

expansion of the idea or feeling of self may happen in cases where two individuals feel their sense of self transcending through genuine and intense feelings of love and connection with another being. like a lover may feel towards his/her soul mate - to put it in the regular style :) in this bond, two people do experience their sense of selves melting into another's and both belonging or existing as one entity.

moving from this example, i propose (propose is a word that has sadly to be used because language has its limitations- this is certainly not an argument but a feeling which can be communicated at this level only through words :(

so what if this sense of transcending ones self -galvanized through the medium of pure love moves from the restricting bondages of carnal love. love which is free of dross completely. love which sprouts within because it feeds on an eternal life force....a belonging which is there because we are all part and parcel of that whole - that is there -as it contains us all- as ONE

the sense of self grows expands and permeates in all. it loves because it is nothing but love. it is stable and secure. it does not feel challenged because there is no other. probably the concept of ADVAITA or non duality is a spiritual manifestation of this feeling. all that "i" have known uptill now as my own small- restricted self then withers away..... losing its relevance completely because it is obselete. it merges and assumes its crowning glory of the whole- the king.