prayers & birthaday wishes 4 two very spl. people - 25th & 26th January, 2007.

Ganpati mujh deen kee
vinati karo parwaan tum
deen main , tum ho daayalu
daata krippa nidhaan tum
muladhaar main tum ho biraaje
karro krippa tum aan karr
apne gun hum sabb main bhar do
apna baalak jaan kar
mehkaa do mann ka bageecha
ho buddhi ki khaan tum
kya kami usko hai rehti
jiss parr ho dayawaan tum
Ganpati mujh deen ki
vinati karo parwaan tum

enjoy the waves...

time out

the other day, zzz went along with j to get some permission papers signed from a big boss. since the matter got a little bit out of hand, after the usual follow up cribb session was over, it was decided the two needed a neat break.
btw, madam J has finaaly listened to her inner voice (!!!!) and decided to forsake her residencey at the queensdom!!!- now thats another sob story - poor J

anyways getting back to this one, after much pep talk and stuff, zzz finally succeded in convincing the stubborn soul (ouch-i am dead if she reads this!!) the benefits of having spontaniety as a spice for life.
since this being zzz, more the merrier - is the ground rule. S should be called in too. a quick call(s) followed. S being S - always willing (hey- i mean it in the most positive way :)

as things stood J and zzz land early- much early. J wants to eat and get it over with. but hang on - a brilliant idea popps up in zzz's head. hey!! till we wait, why not go and try out some..uummmm stones..well, to be precise - solitaires :d
so here we go.....zzz went mad, tried out all those rocks in all her ten fingers..could have utilized the toes if the snooty sales executive had permitted!!!! and J sat there smiling embaraasingly for her friend's histrionics. zzz still feels J sat there sulking- 'cause J feels her hands are not as beautiful as the rest of her - babe has some concepts man!!!
anyways, the two had a jolly good time overall and reached the eatery. J could not be stopped anylonger- she just had to eat. so she went ahead and ordered. thankfully S followed sooon.

scene 2:
as the three of them sat there, J and S on one side and zzz facing them. both sat there talking in ulti-pulti french-J's latest passion. S sulked how she missed joining it again this session.
as for zzz- she had a good time as she stared unblikningly at the huge tv screen soaking her much starved senses with the charms of the idiot box.(reason: the CAS story in delhi. theres a battle of wits back at zzz home reagrding installation of the new set top box for tv. it is silently held by all the residents that who so ever asks for the new tv first- is automatically going to be labelled the 'most addicted one' to the idiot box. so currently everyone is battling with an ever increasing uneasiness of not having watched tv for almsot25 days!!!)
coming back, as zzz lost her self in the video, suddenly she noticed a guy sitting in the corner having a through and very convinient look at her. zzz is too embarassed and turns around- both of them still trying there french-aagh!!! two guys sitting on the other end quietly munching there snacks- boring!!

after J left, S and zzz went back to the univ. another round of late evening chai followed. S sat there sulking about the infant from bombay, tripped on some stone, the night ended as both worried a little about the unknown future and went back to their homes.

break free

lemme fly..lemme fly

dont tie me down

lemme fly

dont cut my wings...

lemme fly....

this is not where i belong...

dont bound me in chains

chains of desires...structures...relationships - which gnaw (at) my flesh and her spirit

let me be

what i truly am

ever - loving

free and unbound

today i clicked on one wrong button and that sent an invitation from my messenger id to all the people in my address list.
i am so embarassed for this, because the invite has been sent to all the people and they must all be wondering if i am in my right sense, that includes my professors, long lost aquaintances and many more.....
i donno how posting this confession here would un-do what has been already done :(((((((((

saagar kinaare..dil yeh pukare..
tu jo nahin to mera..koi nahin hai

prabhu zjyacha re

bhae kaae taya,
prabhu zjyacha re
bhae kaae taya....
sarva visarli
prabhu maya jhaali
purna zjyachi vaacha re
bhae kaae taya...

This is the age of illussions. this is an ancient story (i dont want to name it a mythological story) when Nal (from the famous Nal- Damyanti story) caught hold of Kali - the devil, he i.e., Nal decided to kill him. as he was about to do so, Kali spoke to his captor and told that Nal may kill him but first he must know of Kali's significance. Kali (the devil) then spoke of his importance in his age that is the 'Kali-Yuga'. it would be the time of illussions and common simple house-holders (gruhasthas) and the great men alike would be cursed to be caught in the web of various challenges in their path to spiritual enlightenment. but it would be the significance of this age only that common householders would be able to attain their spiritual upliftment (yoga).

are we all experiencing atleast some of the features of this prediction in our current times?
almost everybody experiences a deep desire a hypnotic quest at some points of time in our lives. this feature gets more frequent as a regualr phase in our modern, solitary living.
as things stand today, most of us have had to move out of our homes, away from our families and their emotional support base. almost all are made to appreciate work structures where 'being proffesional' translates as being detached, impersonal and unconcerned.
individualism as a philosophy grafts sterile conditions upon our daily collective existence. i call it as grafting because it is not an organic/natural growth. we as human beings- as one species- the most evolved of all living things on earth are intrinsicly connected...connected at some higher spiritual (lets take it as a hypothesis atleast) level.

one pointer is the feel of desire, that unquenched quest that haunts us all - mostly when we are alone. more often, we may fail to pin-pointedly lay our hands upon what that quest is..
who am I? what is it that I am looking for? is the similiar haunting question. sometimes we may interpret it as something material to be achieved in terms of money, career goals, buying/building our own house, car, etc.
at a slightly deeper level, one may feel the desire..almost a hankering to be with someone...the thrill of a new romance, or companionship from a particular person etc.

and almost everyone experiences a heart-break at some point of time of our mad run for accomplishing these desires. and we may react to it in different ways. for some- getting back to normal may be more easy than others. its generally held that those with good emotional back-up mechanism (mind you which has been kept well oiled- almost all our friends have been thru that phase) tend to normalize sooner.

then the big question is what is it that all of us are looking for? what is that real thing - the hankering for which makes us so anxious. what is it that is that collective common objective, the ultimate goal which tends to vent out in our individual selves as desire for things that we know deep down to be temporary in their satisfaction. things and relationships may never serve the kind of satisfaction which our inner core yearns for.

all of us -as fellow beings need to find out what that goal is, which laid that deep intrinsically collective desire in all humans. it may be dormant in few and extremely keen in others but it is that wish that exists in us all. and because it is constant (in its form and spirit) in each one - its manifestation has to be constant in all too.

umblical chord

this new year had the usual start to it- or so i thought. i had a big argument with my mom yesterday ( not anything new- i guess for all mothers and daughters). my mom says that our systems would not be able to digest our food if we two were not to fight. but i must add that now days we seldom have the privelege of fully digested meals.
anyways, i give major credit for that to myself!!! i have genuinely believed myself to be the more reasonable of the two of us and it is largely because of my merit and nobility that things stay calm at home...yawn
coming to the point, as you may note that i guessed that there was nothing unsusal about our argument this time also except for it being the first in the new year. but today i explored another aspect of my relationship with my mom. actually this time she was genuinely at fault which she most certainly realized and like a good mom said 'sorry' as well. now whenever my mom says sorry (and thats like the rarest of rare possibilities) - simply the majesty and rarity of the occassion makes all of us bow down in sheer awe and splendour of the moment. the anger and grievances evaporate in thin air and a splendid peace and gratitude envelops us all and that includes my dad most of all ;)
however this time what started off from being somewhat different, turned out to be really different. as i have mentioned we had the freshh argument no 1, 2007 , yesterday evening. mommy dear realized that this case fell in the odd category of sorry-ism from her end, came to my sulk-room and uttered the magicall words. and it felt soooooooo nice and to tell you honestly, i was almost relieved because this time i really did not want to aplogise. she stood there waiting for me to smile back and as the majesty of the moment commanded- i could not resist a faint smile in its response.
so basically that was the ground zero situation when i went to bed last night. easy but not too easy detente hung over the house as the night embraced me with her sleepy gift.
but when i woke up in the morning, a rebellious thought popped up its infant head in me. "why should i give up so easily?" and finding the overall atmosphere in the house favourable, i dug up a fake anger within and greeted the parents with a sullen face. this was also part of a clever starategy to orient my father to the current issue who was uptill now blissfully ignorant about all this. as expected he asked if something was bothereing me and i did not let go off the opportunity.
since then mom has said sorry THREE times (i am begining to feel sadistic about it). she has called up twice to enquire about the mundane things like- how am i doing!! he he
i already feel bored with this new dimension of my mother's love for her unreasonable daughter. and its part of my introspective exercise that i am writing this post. she is expected back soon and i think i am gonna come back to being my normal silly self than this snobbish one. all this is so unlike both of us.
moral of the story- daughters are born to mothers to fight and argue. this is nature's way of training them to become wonderfully accomplished wives. he hehe
ps: all this not to be taken too seriously. this is for TP. so guys don't be scared :)