zzz..

2010-05-01T02:19:00.001-07:00

Coming back home does not feel the same. Once the place I grew up in is no more the place home is - it just fails to add up to the flavour called home. Its little disappointing but thats the way things are. Human beings are so prone to getting dependent upon status quo that a change can be equivalent of chaos. I have known people who can extend this so called familiarity-comfort to any level. For example, if some books on the table are shifted from left to the right - a great sin has been committed.
Its complex but crucial to distinguish familiarity from stagnation. At the same time its important to identify a large pattern on which one chooses to lead ones life.

2009-11-09T01:33:00.000-08:00

If you want to be happy in your life

Start being so now

2009-07-30T03:58:00.000-07:00

jai ganapati nanadan pyaare
jai shiv paarvati dulaare
jai ridhi siddhi ke mangal daata
jai mushak vaahan dhare

2009-07-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

EXPECTATION IS A ROUTE TO DISAPPOINTMENT

zzz

best wishes to all who read this

2009-06-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

Ek din Khuda ne apne bande se kahaa
Tu jo chahe woh kar sakta hai
Haalanki, hota wahi hai jo Main chahti hoon
Jo tu woh chahe jo Main chahti hoon
To hoga wahi jo tu chahta hai.

and the winner is

2009-05-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

2009-04-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

i am begining to feel :

it is easiest to cry in the name of God
it is a test to laugh in His name

2009-02-18T02:42:00.000-08:00

chinta se ghate chaturai
dukh se ghate sharir
paap se ghate laxmi
keh gaye sant kabir

i wish i can watch and pass through.

2009-02-08T08:26:00.000-08:00

its been long since i sat down to write something like this, guess the feel of my old room, and old computer manages to tickel the electrons in my head and makes me write, even if it is nothing significant like today.
what is it that makes people write? for me these days it is like a single goal of life to finish all that was started long ago. but thats unlike this - this one is maintained for i do not know why...but not for the university for sure ;)

will all the memories fade as i pass through life? now as i see them, they are not significant - all the things which seemed so then. not even as memories.
it does not feel like anything important is happening now, even if it is - may be it is/ but may be it is not? who decides?
somehow people have infuenced my idea about what is significant and what is not in my life. but now i am seeing how far apart i am with many who were so significant for years....people, place, city, country, life, life points, beliefs, essentials, thresholds...somehow everything

some things just change inside not outside.
and what can i do about it, but watch and pass through.
is this the key that i am looking for?

class and grace - amrapali

2009-02-07T23:54:00.000-08:00

2009-01-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

Handel's Messiah

2008-12-07T08:03:00.001-08:00

Jugalbandi

2008-11-16T05:03:00.000-08:00

Menu for breakfast:

Moon Dal Paranthas with Salted Dried Lamb and Garlic Olives
How does that sound /taste?

2008-10-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

musaafir hoon yaro, na ghar hai na thikana, mujhe chalte jaana hai bass, chalte jaana.....

2008-10-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

ek din bik jaayega maati ke mol, jag main reh jaayenge pyare tere bol

and the magic continues...

2008-09-28T21:05:00.001-07:00

the original story at www.zzz-writing.blogspot.com/2006/11/goodness-gracious-grace.html

the latest update:
Grace is with us for some months now and the stupid girl and the rest have fallen prey to her charm trap.
yesterday we went out and this is what followed (it is part of a private email)

we all went there leaving grace behind in state of disbelief that we can leave her alone once more !!!
when we came back we found she has found new ways to express her frustration with this human habit of leaving their dogs behhind. like an animal activist or world peace volunteer she had created a mini havoc in the house. she managed to pull down some papers, pens and pen holders and stuff from top of the wooden drawers and nicely and meticlously chewed all of them. when scolded for the act, she felt deeply hurt on her sentiments and refused to eat her food for dinner.
today morning, she was back to normal and can be found running around , sniffing, snooping, and licking things, objects, furniture, upholstery and yes human limbs too. she is just making sure that we all know that she is back to normal.

i can say we are all kind of getting used to her.

2008-09-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

time pass

2008-09-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

wah re mere desh

2008-09-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

i have come across a pretty weird phenomenon sometimes now which shocked me at first and then saddened me. we all do know that the unorganized sector in India is larger than the organized sector and the plight of many skilled and unskilled blue (?) collared labourers in India is pretty bad.
some years back i went somewhere and i suddenly noticed that there were a large number of men sitting/standing/squatting on a particular stretch of an over crowded road.
curious i asked someone why so many men were crowding there. it was quite apparent from their clothes that they were very poor (what we call as labour class) people.
and then it dawned upon why that particular road was called as 'labour puliya'. in simple English it means 'labour's bridge'.
basically these men when they set out from their homes (i don't know if they are houses but wish they are at least homes for them) , they do not know if they will get work for the day. many of them pack their food (lunch/breakfast or just anything 'cause i do not know if they have the luxury to afford three meals in a day) but do not know where and whether they would be working through the day to have the 'relaxing food break'.
these are the labourers who are multi - skilled from being brick - layers to carpenters or whatever, but do not have a job. thus no employee , no benefits, no assurances and no future. they live to earn for the day to fix a meal for the day.

Jai Ganesh Jai Ganesh Deva

2008-09-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

Mata Jaaki Parvati, Pita Mahadeva.

Jai Ganesha Deva !!!

Hum Sab Teri Sharnan Aaye

Safal Keejo Sewa !!!

any takers??

2008-08-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

these google guys are always snooping around. every time without fail my inbox is always carrying advertisements on its side columns - catching the subject matter / key words of my emails. did they ever include this condition in their contract which we sign at the time of registration? even if they did mention it - how many of us ever read those terms and conditions?
there is no regard for an individual's private space on the cyber world. and we call the internet as an important pillar of all those values which liberalism stands for- freedom of speech being the most visible and potent. but what happens of private space? what an absolute contradiction.
i wonder why we dont resist this outrageous invasion of our privacy?
okay for record - i am registering mine with this post.
but again who is bothered. this is free space and every nut is allowed to say what s/he wants to. thats it. the only catch is that when every body speaks practically no body listens

2008-08-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

the only thing constant in life is change.
does'nt it sound cliched ? but it is true - is it not?

2008-08-19T06:12:00.000-07:00

i am amazed at the way things can take a complicated turn. it is because of all the complications we have inside that manifest out.

2008-08-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

i have to learn how to refuse

take time out to read through...

2008-06-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - Comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so eloquent...and so appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that:We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints, spend more, have less, buy more, enjoy less.We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment,more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space, but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?
George Carlin

let us all declutter our lives

2008-05-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

one of the most crucial tasks in life involves weeding out through the maze of irrelevants.

the junk mails from inbox

junk from the closet

trash from the bin

read messages from the phones

and things/issues/incidents of the past which are specific to each person.

time is the master

2008-05-26T04:28:00.000-07:00

many years ago
today it was a day full of surprises for her, to begin with he was keen to take her to the hang out joint. "is he out of his mind?", she thought to herself and even expressed the thought in no disguised manner. "what the heck!! what is wrong?" echoed the parents, "we have a train to catch in 2 hours, don't you remember beta?" "oh mom, come on let me take my little sister out just for once, there is a very nice bakery on the way so we can pick up those pastries you two like so much."
it was their son afterall and he had to have his way. so off the two went, as she sat pillion on his 'bike', she wondered whatever happened to those days when he was like this 'fun big brother' to her. well "stupid me", she thought, "there were never such days. it is a utopian belief that elder brothers can be nice and sharing with their 'clingy' little sisters. so while she wondered if there was something, some 'greater' reason behind this sudden shower of brotherly love on her. yes it was true that he had long moved out of the house and she too had grown up ever since then. but still...well she had biiiig doubts.
it was an inkling of the things to unfold that evening. "she is coming here right now." period..... all that they had now was to overcome these 15 minutes of most awkward silence - brimming with rising tide of queries in her mind for him...almost worried that he could hear her brain working full capacity not to sort but to spill them out. she felt it was better not to ask right away, 'she' could be here any minute. it was not a very good first impression to be meeting the "would be" of her only brother, caught on a wrong foot discussing details and stream of 'hows and whys' which were as evident as 'troubles' - that were warned against to pandora.
eventually, they met and it was true that she could not believe many things, many things she almost assumed about her elder brother, and was very glad to find out how wrong she was.. then there were things, which looked cumbersome. any many many more things, suddenly she felt she had grown multiple understandings, many ways to look at the situation. many views which people of one family could hold.. pity, she felt like a grown up now.
how soothingly cosy it felt to be the "youngest in the family'. most of the matters were considered not worth her worries and were never mentioned to. she was blessedly granted to continue with her faith in her warm world where everything was constant...love between the family and its members, equations that were nothing but constant, parents who were always there, studies were a stress of just exam days. it was the big brother's burden to top every year not hers, she was allowed to be happy to pass with decent grades. not many hopes /ambitions for her, anyways she was too young then to understand half the things which go on in any family. whatever was said was true always - was it not?
but not now, somehow today he felt her to be the most appropriate person to first break the news to. to melt the ice, "what was expected of her?". to build the ground ....how?? when she did not know anything about them. what could she possibly say to him or to the parents? was he seeking her opinion at all?
was she so grown up?

5TH MAY

2008-05-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

TEST OF THE SEED BEGINS BY SPROUTING IT

2008-04-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

zindagi ki yahi reet hai haar ke baad hi jeet hai

aaj gham hai to kal hai khushi

zindagi ki yahi reet hai

so what is your pick?

2008-04-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

To be Happy even when you do not have it?
To be Happy only if you have it?
To be Unhappy even if you have it?
To be Unhappy when you do not have it?

ps: "It" can be anything...

it is important to note that comments should be as far as possible on the options and not what fellow commentators have to say

2008-03-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

every time it is scary to find out how fragile the whole thing is......

नमस्ते london

2008-03-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

यूँ तो संग अपने इक दुनिया चलती है

पर छुप कर सीने मैं तन्हाई पलती है

2008-02-26T20:51:00.001-08:00

Loving breath of life blows
stringing the points of my scattered being
the ever illusive self glistens- teasingly, far behind (heavy veils).
awakening consciousness dawns upon an awaiting horizon,
as eager reality reflects now and then through the circumvents of spiral existence.
fingers of my beloved play through the hollowed spaces on the spinal veena
haunting melody resonates through out

six and half...

2008-02-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

Wat does one do with all the bagful of shortcumings? Just when i feel it is gud enough, it shows it is not...may be just to put me in the right place. one can never be guaranteed about human nature. are there any insurance guys who can guarantee that/ any finishing schools/ any civilizations? any religions? any education/political/economic/social system but ones own self?????

all i can be assured of is this moment right now...when i am ....who knows what it would be just as why sulk what it was.
i am, responsible-capable, for the moment now.

this is for the comp guy who showed up today at my place

2008-02-07T04:20:00.000-08:00

2008-02-06T23:54:00.001-08:00

it is not good to be not writing for so long. things need to be priortised.
anyways, yesterday was again one of the very very cold days of delih. it is getting incredibly cold here. i mena it used to be cold but not so relentlessly cold days after days and that too in the month of february which was so pleasant always, the month before exam fever gripped us all.
but today after so long i do not want to be writn\g about the changing werather conditions.
yesterday i vited a teacher who has jsut been promoted to the post of reader in a differnt university. well, i had always been struck by her achievemnst in the field of academics, ina sense that she is much young for her position and the amount of work she has come up with. frankly speaking, given the lazy temrament i have, i have hardly read much of her work but for the one which is tomy interest. yes i am a person totally goverened by taste and interests. there was a time when this self idea gave me confidence in my abilities but now somehow i do feel restricted because of this nature. because often the field where in work in requires maintaing multiple inetersts in varying topics and often i find my interest running in different direction than the one which shall bring me benefit in my work. well as i say this i do realize that more or less this goes for me as a whole.
coming back to this person i am currently bent upon focussing, i am allmost sad for teh manner in which to me she seemed to be promoting her work and i am sorry to say her acdemic merit. i mean is it not for others to arrive at?
i am sad for her.

:)

2008-01-27T00:19:00.000-08:00

कहना है , कहना है,

आज तुमसे यह यह पहली बार

तुम ही तो लाये हो जीवन में मेरे

प्यार , प्यार, प्यार .....

तुमसे कहनी वालीं और भी हैं प्यारी बातें
सामने सबके बोलो कैसे कह दूं

सारी बातें
आज मगर बस

इतना ही करना है एकुरार
तुम ही तो लाये हो जीवन में मेरे

प्यार प्यार प्यार......

कबसे दिल ने मेरे
मान लिया है तुमको अपना

आँखें मेरी देख रही हैं
जागते सोते यह सपना

मेरे गले में डाल रहे हो तुम बाहों का हार

तुम ही तो लाये हो जीवन में मेरे

प्यार, प्यार, प्यार.....

Touch Wood !

2008-01-14T23:28:00.000-08:00

2008-01-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

yeh kawn hai jo meri rooh ko choo karr nikala........

someone please tell me what are friends for???

2007-11-30T04:45:00.000-08:00

who is a friend?
what are they supposed to do?
when are they required to be by ones side??

2007-11-05T19:13:00.000-08:00

time is like sand
it slips out of the hand
whilst one waits for the
right time
pity.....
this only time teaches
once it is gone

amusing :)

2007-10-24T02:26:00.000-07:00

A noisy parrot that likes to imitate sounds helped save a man and his son from a house fire by mocking a smoke alarm. while the bird's owner and his 9 year old son slept fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. they awoke to find their home on fire after hearing the family's amazon parrot, Peanut imitating a fire alarm. "He was really screaming his head off," the man said and added "I grabbed my son and my bird, and got out of the house."

2007-10-05T20:40:00.001-07:00

what do i say when i have no thoughts? it is effortless auto moded. gentle comforting wind - benevolent as always reminds me of what this is all about. 'mentholy' cool waves on top -guiding, almost alluring the attention. as the being melts slowly like an offering to this ocean - oh so fathomlessl(y) deep!!! feels like i have belonged here since sweet eternity. does the idol deity feel the same when we offer Him to the Holy waters?
who is melting in whom?

2007-09-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

wish there was a man who could see who i really am

khuda e aks

2007-09-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

खुदा- ए- अक्स है वो असएस
जो पो-शिदा हर नस्ल मैं है
मंदिर, मस्जिद, गुरू-द्वारेय
हाज़िर्र हर्र जिस्म मैं हैं
यह दर्द-दे दिल
यह घाम- घुफ्फार
बदोलत 'मैं' के कोह्रें हैं
ज़हनी हिसाभ शक्को- शुब्भा
रूहानी इब्बादत के कांटें हैं
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..
हो मरर- मिटे जिनके लिए
यह कौन शख्स माहिर है
जो रूहानी ही ना हुए
वोह किस मंज़र के साहिर हैं
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..
जो इस लम्हे रगों मैं तेरी
महसूस कर्रा दे जन्नत को
बुलंद तारक तभी पा कर
पहचानेगा कौन पीर है
खुद- ए- अक्स है वोह असास..

2007-09-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

Today ---- the day

Yet again the majestic morning urges the senses

as the Master of the Golden chariot

submitted to his regal discipline,

stands knocking just like every day since eternity.

A glance at my hands overwhelm the praying heart.

Innocent, loving, working hands...uniquely obedient.

Creation's beautiful gift to Her beloved mankind.

Toil- Sweat, Love- Spread, Receive- Give

live this day.

Fingers of flesh and blood symbolizing the flicker of hope

--- encore the message of redemption.

Transcendence from worldly to the other

the eternal passage to (through) the qualities - Divine.

Yes, it is, once again Morning Time.

2007-08-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

as i sat there watching the birds swim, a deep satisfaction enveloped me. looking at the water soothens the senses as thoughts die out. it is all so wonderful. the majesty of silence.

क्या मौसम है ....चल कहीँ दूर निकल जायेँ

2007-08-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

MOTHER' PRIDE or PLIGHT??

2007-07-31T19:39:00.000-07:00

I begin with a clarification that the title of this post has its inspiration in a recent interaction with a tiny tot. when asked if she went to school, her evidently well – versed (with what else do we adults strike up a conversation with a small child ?) and instant reply was : Mother’s Pride, U-KG (A), class teacher- Mrs. Deepika Vohra.
Having skipped the rest of the details as furnished by the child (probably by now experience had taught her the common sequence of corresponding questions and she seemed to be a time-energy saving sorts. smart child….) ; I in my elements loudly remarked if the child was sure it was not Mother’s Plight??
Can’t say if the child’s smartness challenged my tiny brain, but the fact that it is tiny was established when I had to abruptly stop howling at my own PJ, once I located the not – so – amused expressions of the mother.
As for the child, she simply derived that I was hard of hearing, repeated the correct name of her posh school once or twice in as best clarity as her tongue could manage and hopped out of the room - as much better stuff allured her than interacting with a dumb adult.

Coming back to mother’s plight, let me introduce my 5 year old nephew about whom this post is about. He is the first and the only third generation member in my immediate family. Basically he is the edifice of my exposure to small children living in close proximity.
To put it plainly: there has never been a single good – bye (he stays with his parents in a different city) that I have simultaneously hated and loved more.
The times when he is here or I am there, nothing else in my life commands for more attention than this little creature. The child is high on NQ (nonsense quotient)!!
Psychologists declare that children up to 5 yrs. (plus – minus 5 yrs!!) are totally EGO oriented: it is My – Me – Myself for them.
So the child can sleep at 7 in the evening so as to get up at 4 in the morning and make ones life hell, if one tries to even slightly procrastinate fulfilling His wish to visit the local playground. Okay, so I get up, rush to the local park – dressed still in my pajamas, disheveled hair, yawning and trying not to topple over something…only to be told 5 minutes later that He is hungry!!! Morning walkers- kindly uncle jis and aunty jis look at the ‘poor child’ and inwardly sympathize with him for having to bear with a negligent guardian.

Next, he can squash wasps and all sorts of ugly creepy crawlies with His bare hands but the reason he cannot eat food on his own is: his hands may get soiled. So my mom or me or any other person entrusted with the humongous task has to constantly run after him balancing food plates in one hand, so as to stuff the next morsel in His Highness’ mouth. We are often screamed at for not realizing that He is not finished with His mouthful as yet.
The only easy way out is to put Cartoon Network which has the magical powers to dazzle him totally. He keeps his mouth open all the time while watching the world of animation and this eases the task for us manifolds. Also as he sits glued in front of the screen like a stone, this helps save us lot of calories. However this option weighs too heavily on our moralities and is mostly not taken recourse to. I strongly feel that in state of total crisis, Cartoon Network is the best anti-dote for all hysteria.

Although this fellow can’t read a full sentence but insists that he must be bought all those glossy paged story books. So who reads them for him??? Obviously me - mind you - not once or twice but close to 100 times over and over again.

Of course visiting shopping centers or even local kiraana shops can be an experience when he is around. He is innovative in his techniques so if crying has become too stale and boring, he can howl, scream or best simply refuse to walk or move an inch from the spot. At times to spice up things and add up visual treat for on lookers he adds up acts of physical audacity by simply spreading on the floor - there and then.

Great men have said: that curiosity for the world around makes the child inquisitive.
There are times when I have won the battle for TV. Even if it so happens that through much cajoling and promises for future goodies, one gets to watch anything else but cartoons BEWARE : one may be smothered with questions of plain curiosity like kyoun, kaise (hows and whys) which by default find a way to attach themselves to every answer that one manages for the previous set. Yes, with a 5 yr old it is possible. With a 5 year old anything is possible…..

I can go on and on with all these things and incidents or I can end this post with one line: despite everything, we all adore him. Don’t ask me the kyoun and kaise behind this. I have no possible rational answers for this one :):):)

2007-07-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

dil se dil ki raah hoti hai....

hey black hole!!
this one is for you
head to korea...

2007-07-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Aie dil-e nadaan
Aie dil-e nadaan……

Aarzo? kya hai ?
Justo-joo kya hai?

Aie dil-e nadaan….

Hum bhatakte hain…

Kyoun bhatakte hain??
Dashto - sehra main

Aisa lagta hai
Mauj pyaasi hai
Apne dariya main

Kaisi uljhan hai….

Kyoun yeh uljhan hai
Aek saaya sa
Rubaru kya hai??

Aie dil-e nadaan
Aie dil-e nadaan……

Aarzo? kya hai ?
Justo-joo kya hai?

Kya kayaamat hai…..

Kya museebat hai….

Keh nahin sakte
Kisska armaan hai

Zindagi jaise
Khoi - khoi hai
Hairaan - hairaan hai

Yeh zameen chup hai..

Aasmaan chup hai…

Fir yeh dhadkan see
Chaaro - soon kya hai

Aie dil-e nadaan..

NATURE

2007-07-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

need a hug?

2007-06-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

Diplomacy

2007-06-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in zzzland, there lived two eligible prince charmings :Champat kumar and Champak kumar. Champat kumar was tall and dandy and Champak kumar had the advantage of family and tradition.
Then to add a point to the tale, there was an Apple pie too. As expected she was sweet and sweeter…:d

Sadly in zzzland, people have fetish for ironies and so does the creator of the trio : Champat kumar, Champak kumar and Apple pie.

As the norm would have it, Apple pie waits demurely to be grabbed by the faster of the two but you see, she was the modern day liberated pie. She decided that it was about time she chose who it was going to be or if it was going to be anyone at all……

By the way, did i mention - she was in possession of an otherwise useless but over-sized, extra- logical brain.
So Apple pie introduced the element of diplomacy to the equation. Now what is the ground rule for diplomacy?
lets see:
Two parties have obvious, overt, antagonistic interests ------meaning ------the welfare/fulfillment of one's (interests) shall automatically mean absolute loss of the other..
So to please and pacify – already on the brink- junta, who is otherwise all too willing to de-throne the leaders, a diplomat engages his/her counterpart in an act of diplomacy.
Initially both brag about their individual concerns,, issues…bla bla bla…..

And later at some stage of mutual exhaustion, both introduce such an absurd condition for peace on the other, that it cannot be accepted by the other without surrendering its primary interest which s/he is there to preserve in the first place.

So what is achieved at the end is as a zero-sum condition.

Now it is natural if one were to ask, what does anyone to gain out of this obvious total sham? ???
The answer is : Golden state of status quo. Nothing-No one moves not even an inch. Everything stays just the same.

Diplomat bhai log are happy because they never seek a solution anyways- you see, the problem must stay for the logic of their own survival as leaders…so as long as the problem stays, they stay too.
No love is lost. Who is fooled- the pacified junta…..

These days Apple pie is found grinning ear to ear in zzzland
Oh yes!! Although there are no happily ever afters---
Oh come on she shall survive…not to worry--- she is not seeking any either

Kalpa Taru

2007-06-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

i wish to be a lush green tree - an innocent witnessing child.

as i thrive on the blessed love of my mother who nourishes me from her compassionate womb. she - the earth sustains me - so that i grow lush and strong.
i am the 'green saari' of hers whom she drapes around her waist to protect her chastity.

tired souls, battered beings seek comfort in the silent re-assurance of my existence. i feel honourably fulfilled to shower my soothing shade upon my creator's creation.

times when greedy hands rob me off, when unconscious - unaware existences vandalise. when there is unrelenting heat and unkept promises by monsoons and others. .....

still my source - my mother- shall bequeath me with the last drop of her life-giving blood. for me her child to sustain.

and so shall i be - as she wants me to be.
that wish granting tree - the kalpa- taru.

2007-05-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

wondering how RD always knows when i need not to be left alone..even when i declare it with absolute determination

HUMILITY - 28th May '07

2007-05-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

I make no claims to wisdom, but i am learning in this life.....one of the chapters from my lessons

Vanity corrodes the character. A woman's vanity can be the most unfortunate as well as the most lethal quality having within its womb the seeds of such unfortunate destruction.
it can bring discord and animosity within the family, sour relationships, cause wars and bring down empires.

This is what History cautioned civilizations when she laid bare her darkest secrets over time.
At the moment when Draupadi called out to Duryodhan and ridiculed him, she must have turned deaf to the gentle reminders of traditional wisdom. Humility was sacrificed when her docile mannerisms faded in comparison to the mesmerizing headiness of a woman's vanity - held inside her proud breast.

Vanity can blind one completely to the most obvious. the dizzying highs of ego's flight are bound to make her ignore the ditches that lie right in front - ignore the obvious - and justify everything---just about everything.

When age long wisdom tells us that humility is the beauty that survives through time - vanity can make a 'beautiful woman' lose her priceless 'jewels' of unconditional love and dross- free compassion.

I learnt my lesson and pray to 'Buddha' - The Great Master - I may always remember this one.
Amen.

does it help?

2007-05-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

there are certain things in life which have no possible explanations.

certain acts which cannot be justified.

certain secrets which can never be shared.....

neverthless

wishing luck

zzz

for my friends...

2007-05-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

LETS ALL HANG ON
AND KEEP THE FAITH

goli maaro bheje main....;)

2007-05-22T06:43:00.001-07:00

i have come to realize that this entity called mind loves playing tricks with me all the time. last night i had this weirdest dream..... my mind was up to playing tricks .....
what did i dream???
well....its almost embarrassing. i was amazed that not only did i dream of this person, but that i was kinda 'getting cosy' with this person in some far off place !!!
so this was outrageous.. it was otherwise a beautiful dream because i saw so many lovely things....as if the entire sky line was a mammoth LCD screen, with fire works and what not. and yes all this in full colour!!! yes i do get them in colour many times.

so i get up i the morning and am overwhelmed with this complicated and very ambivalent feel....i am amazed at the audacity of my mind as well as the creative expression and the overall beauty of the experience. yes it was like a dream!!!

now, coming to the point of writing this post and going 'public' with this experience is certainly not to titillate. i am more keen on sharing my experiment with the disciplining of this mind thing.

i must confess that i have a tendency to float into a stream of almost uncontrollable and often no purpose thoughts. having had the experience of this rather extra- ordinary dream, it was quite likely that i would have indulged into the 'enchanting' task of 'thinking' and try and lay bare the psychological reasons - like - why did i dream this? what does it indicate? and all the rest.

however today i experimented a little and began to simply 'witness' this whole issue.

firstly, i reminded my brain (mind you my logical brain) that this is merely a dream..which in itself is merely an extension of the various wanted or un -wanted thoughts which i get in a day (as a result of my total reactions to people, things, situations which most of the times are beyond my control- yes except for my reactions).

so, cutting through all the maze of illusion which the mind seeks to spin around....would i be doing justice to my own overall sense of balance and stability..if i were to treat it as anything more than that? should i allow my thought process to go in an overdrive and entangle myself in the de-stabalizing emotional ripples that it may generate?

and the answer that i received was a clear cut - unambiguous- stout NO.
so this is what i did...
i simply smiled at the audacity of my mind and told it to stop playing games with me. i clearly told it to shut up.

he hehe this time this bheja knew who the real master is :))

ain't i cute

2007-05-18T05:06:00.001-07:00

yes every woman knows instinctively.......

2007-05-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

Her eyes flashed, and her voice was raspy, "It was neither the comeliness of a celestial maiden nor the blooming of her youth as much as the need for sport of a different kind. The need of a tired king, for him she was nothing more than one among countless women he has seduced, a fresh spring that quenched his thirst and rejuvenated him with that excitement."

source :http://lightofrose.blogspot.com

like in the latest hindi movie chini kum (amitabh and tabu starrer) has a dialogue:
"marriage is the cost that men pay up for sex and sex is the cost women pay up for marriage"

2007-05-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

15th May, 2007

one does not need reminders on phones to remember promises. special ones are preserved in hearts....

hey Jacky,
its been so long that i lost count..anyways i was never good in maths!!!
remember the time when Dr. Baghai looked at us in utter disbelief that two people could be so happy to be put together....ghosh i still remember her expressions.
i know i was late the VERY FIRST day and made you wait in the rain!!! ..actually it was my strategy to prepare you for lessons in patience!!
hmm and how about the times when the two of us would walk for hours together only to catch a return bus back home
and how we fought over those stupid guys and had our own set of 'krack-jack' code done up. i still feel, "the thunderous three" was a not the happiest graft on our friendship but hey! did we not learn so much?
did we ever follow our lessons...honestly---hmmmm...yeah i know we are still pretty much the same

wish you luck love and happiness sweety
loads of love
krack

and a few more....

2007-05-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

agar aisa ho to kya ho?

2007-05-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

i wonder about the possibility of living in a far off place like this and and occasionally coming for a vacation to the city. hmmm it is a possibility. well, for now, here are a few pics from my recent visit to Havlock island (Andamans). top one is actually of a small golf-course at Port Blair.

2007-05-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

sometimes one cannot help but just watch ones loved one pass through 'that' phase.
no one can help except for ones own self
wish all my friends well.
take care you all

aur kya bass yahi to

a casual entry finds its place

2007-04-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

ummm now what is this going to be about? one thing is certainly beginning to pinch me. well i am not exactly too fond of structures and cliches. off late i have realized this blog has become more of that. i mean i did start out thinking it would be more of a journal for me where something interesting and worthwhile may come up in b/w. but that's about it.
its been so long that i posted something of an update sorts. i mean how am i ever going to remember what happened to me in these days of my life when i don't write about them.
but then there is lot of stuff which one cant write because it is public
work front is strange and i am faced with weird and odd situations. it is such a task to meet my guide these days. just today in the morning when i was in middle of my 'girl talk' with the lady clerk, he just crawled up behind me out of nowhere. well i was not exactly planning to meet him but he as usual presumed that i must and asked me to wait!!!
when the truth is that i am not there to see him!!! somehow he has an odd habit of presuming too many things
so i wait almost patiently when jo and jaspal are waiting for me. we had to visit the council office for jaspal's visa papers. i went inside while his meeting is still on and do tell him that i have a meeting and i need to rush off. but he insists on seeing me after the meeting.
man!! i finally decide to push off and begin to write a note for him but that very moment he calls me in and is vague in his talk.
gotta do some serious thinking about all this that's on.

2007-04-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

Tough times are God's way of teaching 'us' lessons of life

Good times are God's own secret way of testing us whether 'we' remember our lessons

There is a simple saying in Hindi which means - a fully laden tree is humble because it bends forward, whereas a barren tree stands erect in pride.

woh kehte hai na.

2007-04-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

When going gets tough

tough gets going

konfusions

2007-04-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

this is an overlap from free spirit but i wish to share it here

confusions rule the world of words. because words are to be interpretted to make meanings. if i say A, someone else may assume it to be Z. if i say it indirectly, it can be misunderstood. if i say it for X, Y thinks it is for him. it is the tragedy of language.how i wish, we were just blessed with the faculty of feeling the right - intended meaning. it takes a lot of courage to keep trust and faith when all the words (seem to) point otherwise.

other person should be given the benefit of doubt to a reasonable degree. why not hold opinions for a while and let things fall in place - bigger picture?

2007-04-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

ae zindagi gale laga le

humne bhi tere har ek gham ko

gale se lagaya hai..

hai na?

no cribbing :))

2007-04-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

all sun blocks fail in front of direct afternoon sun. one cannot avoid tanned patches all over
in times of need a face wash can be a substitute for a body wash and yes a shampoo too :)
i can survive on wet wipes

few days back i had the privilege to meet a sister brother duo named Honey and Raja respectively. i mean what kind of parents would do that to their children. imagine a Ms. Honey as a secretarial assistant to a company boss and he would be like "err.. Ms Honey can ya get some sugar for my tea!!!! and trust me guys i could not possibly without crossing my limits of decency address the guy with his name......what a riot if one has to ask this fellow to come and sit with you or whatever---"Raja yahaan aaja" ;)
matlab i have known all the sonus and monus and buntis and pinkis even bobby and a babloo too, but none of them had these names on their tenth class certificates but a certain honey and raja took their boards on these names !!!!

a delhite can survive alone in any place in the world...okay, okay--- in India.
as i travelled in a certain southern indian metropolis independently, my training with the auto walas from delhi made me instinctively to suspect the driver's integrity. so i hop into an auto and ask him to take me to a certain place, he nods in a yes and the next thing i ask is " meter se chalna " and this fellow looks around with a weird expression on his face "aur kaise chalunga" .....and all i mange to reciprocate is a sheepish grin.
there is no Indian city to match up to delhi in terms of infrastructure--- the roads are smooth, wide; traffic is fast and organized, buses and autos are in plenty and to top it all delhi metro is the hippest thing to happen. :)
and not to forget the line up of huge green trees, gulmohurs and jaamun all along the roads in central delhi and the very very pleasantly done round abouts. it is an absolute delight to drive in this area during both the warm and sunny winter mornings and the blooming spring seasons. one has to experience it to believe it. :)))

2007-03-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

it feels strange writing this today. this is more of a personal post than anything else. i dont know exactly but the feeling is like - i am not sad for sure.
umm mmm yes i am stable but at the same time therz some vacuum inside. am not able to locate its reason for being there....am i merely thinking too much ??
okay let me just flow with the flow...
why do we dream? do they mean anything. i mean at few imp. points of my life i remeber my sub conscious has sent me signals which i was able to co relate or interpret only later. i was able to help myself sometimes but not always.
do i need to help myself right now, but then about what???

sigh :((

2007-03-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

locked out for the third time in two days!!!

title-less

2007-03-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

thank you spic macay for bringing great musical moments in life.

S' birthday went off pretty well. umm actually apacalypto was not what i may have exactly bargained for :D
yeah, S did get introduced to Santoor - another first in her life :))

however, today this post is not about what all happened that eventful day (it was quite a roller-coaster for me!!), i want to write something about indian classical music cum society circle.

now coming back to what i began with. spic macay is doing a great job for sure and so are the NDMC guys through their finely arranged 'music in park' series.
there has been something on my mind for sometime now. its about how all these big personalities differ despite their commonly held dedication and surrender to classical music. if one were to look at them- almost all have carved a place in the modern world through their own hard work and efforts. i mean many have belonged to the famous legendary gharanas, but with independence and the on set of the so called 'modern times', many of their patrons were gone. so this young crop had to adapt themeselves and may i say 'market' their art in the right way in the new times.
Amjad Ali Khan sahib is certainly one of the best. he has a face that is radinat and comes out as a very gentle person. however, i feel he has really promoted his sons very well. something which Anoushka Shankar may also share with Amaan and Ayaan Ali Bangaash.
i remember, having read somewhere about Ustaad Bismillah Khan, whose sons were rather disappointed with their father for not having promoted them as well as 'others' do.
Bismillah Sahib was a rare personality and i have had a unique and a rare opportunity of witnessing a very private recitation in which Khan sahib was at so much ease and had a long informal chat. and he came out as a really innocent and very simple person- almost like a child.

as i write this, i feel this post has not come out with any particular theme or direction. but i want to leave it just like this- unbounded and non structured.

ps: we all know that evrything must change with times, but all changes are not good either or are they??

HATTA SAAWAN KI GHTTA.......

2007-03-06T06:04:00.000-08:00

if one is sad or in a foul mood and feeling down and oh so lonely...and some friend or well wisher takes time out ..shows concern and tries to cheer one up---- don't take too long to cheer up. trust me it feels good to finally cheer up :))
the added advantage of - jaldi se maan janna- is one may not feel guilty of having hurt that friend/well wishers' good will

take small breaks from work.....yes get up and start moving around. getting some fresh air helps tremendously. like i remember during my pg days when i had to sit for long in one place studying, it used to get extremely gloomy. suddenly i discovered that just getting up and taking my leisurely walk around the campus was really really helpful.

so people even if you do not have parks or mountains or sea in the vicinity...just step out of that cubicle, feel the blue , limitless expanse of the sky( may be the terrace or balcony- whatever).

next, try and see how your thoughts are moving. i mean in what direction are they going. are they positive or negative? more importantly where are they sourced from-- are they gloomy reminders of what happened in past or nervous anxieties about future. and remember the greatest possible, unshakable, rock solid truth----PAST IS OVER & FUTURE DOES NOT EXIST.

enjoy the present -- the NOW MOMENT. :))))

:)))))

2007-03-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

holi the festival of colors
the festival welcoming new season
a celebration of colors
colors of life too
a festival marking the hawana of all that is evil within
a festival symbolizing life, spring, enjoyment, collective joy
a festival that comes every year giving us a chance to forgive and be forgiven. shed all malices and any and all ill feelings towards friends, relations..everybody
its a time for burying differences and bonding again in love
starting afresh :))))
lets all enjoy................

self.

2007-03-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

this blog so far has been a journal of my experiences, observations and understandings of the moment. of course writing them all down has also helped me to realize that all that one thinks or believes also keeps changing...changing because its evolving.

as i stand today, i have wondered about something which may best be worded as - sense of self. um mm...i am no psychologist to have any technical or precise definitions. but continuing with my habit of penning down what i feel. i do know know that i don't want to discuss what it means or what it comprises of.

self is the most individual thing a being can have- everybody shall agree to that. however
i feel this self is actually expandable. in a way that the consciousness about self and being can actually transcend beyond the limits of individual life force.
simply putting, my consciousness of this self or being this self moves to another level, where i or myself is not what i have been conditioned into believing, because of being this individual that i am.
lets take a very tangible example. tangible because its an emotion that has been experienced or written about by so many lucky people that it derives a strange cliched legitimacy of sorts. (however, i do feel rather restricted in the scope of this topic by citing this example.)

expansion of the idea or feeling of self may happen in cases where two individuals feel their sense of self transcending through genuine and intense feelings of love and connection with another being. like a lover may feel towards his/her soul mate - to put it in the regular style :) in this bond, two people do experience their sense of selves melting into another's and both belonging or existing as one entity.

moving from this example, i propose (propose is a word that has sadly to be used because language has its limitations- this is certainly not an argument but a feeling which can be communicated at this level only through words :(

so what if this sense of transcending ones self -galvanized through the medium of pure love moves from the restricting bondages of carnal love. love which is free of dross completely. love which sprouts within because it feeds on an eternal life force....a belonging which is there because we are all part and parcel of that whole - that is there -as it contains us all- as ONE

the sense of self grows expands and permeates in all. it loves because it is nothing but love. it is stable and secure. it does not feel challenged because there is no other. probably the concept of ADVAITA or non duality is a spiritual manifestation of this feeling. all that "i" have known uptill now as my own small- restricted self then withers away..... losing its relevance completely because it is obselete. it merges and assumes its crowning glory of the whole- the king.

eternal

2007-02-27T07:05:00.000-08:00

everything comes from there, everything goes back there.
in between lies a moment..this life, existence, the being.

Before i knew that i am.

2007-02-23T23:23:00.000-08:00

it is perfect

so perfect in all its subtleties and complexities

me-mine-myself entities too shallow

to grasp the whole.

it is the heart that speaks this time.

urges to stop looking around..running around in circles.

"Halt" - It commands.

i know not if i should listen- is it me - it is meaning to?

difficult situations, complex questions wear 'the me' down.

tired and bitter- drowning in intoxicating pain.

The Consciousness whispers gently from the heart. "can you listen now?"- "will you?"

"Fear not"- so She soothes the aching edges. aching because they are angular- "dont you see?"

"Look no further...close your eyes - feel it."

It has been here all along ...ummmm even before the ego evolved.

before i knew that i am.

before She led me to the Gates.

someone knocked at my door today

2007-02-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

tell me, do you feel it? do you feel it around? the unrelenting gigantic force pushes me into submission.
once again it has been me - the rebellious atom bursting in my tiny cup of self. what makes the foolishly daring ego to cook up dreams? waiting to lose my glory in the shallows of frothy success -
why does time flow, wont it put a pause , put a hault on its disciplined steps? does its heart has strings too? would it - the merciful one wait? and drop by - just this time to ask what i wish for?
oh wait, i know, even if it does...i would be silent -just like before
secretly i know that it (time) knows it too..............it knows it gave me a sturdy spirit :)

waqt

2007-02-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

aage bhi
jaane na tu
peeche bhi jaane na tu
jo bhi hai bass yahi ek pal hai
jo bhi hai bass yahi ek pal hai
aanjaani rahoon ka
iss jag main dera hai
andekhi baahon ne hum sab ko ghera hai
ek pal ujala hai
baaki andhera hai
yeh pal gawaana na
yeh pal hi tera hai
jeene waale soche le
yahi pal hai
poori karr le aarzoo....

2007-02-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

so shall it be
spoke the holy wind
you shall become
what you choose to be
just remember one thing
the master has created you
she owns you forever
but you are cursed to be free
and contest reality
yes my child
you are free
but first go and find
what that means
and only then
i shall take you
and you be mine
forever and forever

i am a slave and if i choose to be - i may be my own master

2007-02-05T06:33:00.000-08:00

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what i choose it to mean. Neither more or less.'

'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'who is the master. That is all.'

whatever else language may serve a purpose, it stays a social activity or a medium for all social activities. language in itself is a system of expressions which employs symbols or lets call them words to represent things. "words do not merely reflect the realities around us, they also help to shape what we see and structure attitudes towards it. in effect language helps to create the world itself..."
the problem of interpretation and semantics is therefore acute and i feel it more keenly in the virtual world. all expressions and words can actually mean as many different things as the number of brains acting upon to decipher its meanings.
so one is led to the constant vicious dilemma of discretion. however discretion - its flow and direction is also manipulated by the particular context, en-culturation, background, experience and the total environment within which the reader finds him/herself.
so how does one ever cut through the haze and froth of what ones mind shows us as the truth? one of the ways is to undergo the painfully long and almost Utopian process/ideal of dialectical movement towards the truth - the ultimate knowledge. one goes on negating all that in life that reveals itself as something else but the truth.
that is surely a long drawn and cumbersome process and is still not fool proof. at such a state one is reminded of what one of the Prophets of the world - Mohammad Sahab said: "Quiama ke samye, khuda aapke ke honth sill denge aur apke haath apke khilaaf shahaadat denge."

prayers & birthaday wishes 4 two very spl. people - 25th & 26th January, 2007.

2007-01-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

Ganpati mujh deen kee
vinati karo parwaan tum
deen main , tum ho daayalu
daata krippa nidhaan tum
muladhaar main tum ho biraaje
karro krippa tum aan karr
apne gun hum sabb main bhar do
apna baalak jaan kar
mehkaa do mann ka bageecha
ho buddhi ki khaan tum
kya kami usko hai rehti
jiss parr ho dayawaan tum
Ganpati mujh deen ki
vinati karo parwaan tum

enjoy the waves...

2007-01-21T00:03:00.000-08:00

time out

2007-01-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

the other day, zzz went along with j to get some permission papers signed from a big boss. since the matter got a little bit out of hand, after the usual follow up cribb session was over, it was decided the two needed a neat break.
btw, madam J has finaaly listened to her inner voice (!!!!) and decided to forsake her residencey at the queensdom!!!- now thats another sob story - poor J

anyways getting back to this one, after much pep talk and stuff, zzz finally succeded in convincing the stubborn soul (ouch-i am dead if she reads this!!) the benefits of having spontaniety as a spice for life.
since this being zzz, more the merrier - is the ground rule. S should be called in too. a quick call(s) followed. S being S - always willing (hey- i mean it in the most positive way :)

as things stood J and zzz land early- much early. J wants to eat and get it over with. but hang on - a brilliant idea popps up in zzz's head. hey!! till we wait, why not go and try out some..uummmm stones..well, to be precise - solitaires :d
so here we go.....zzz went mad, tried out all those rocks in all her ten fingers..could have utilized the toes if the snooty sales executive had permitted!!!! and J sat there smiling embaraasingly for her friend's histrionics. zzz still feels J sat there sulking- 'cause J feels her hands are not as beautiful as the rest of her - babe has some concepts man!!!
anyways, the two had a jolly good time overall and reached the eatery. J could not be stopped anylonger- she just had to eat. so she went ahead and ordered. thankfully S followed sooon.

scene 2:
as the three of them sat there, J and S on one side and zzz facing them. both sat there talking in ulti-pulti french-J's latest passion. S sulked how she missed joining it again this session.
as for zzz- she had a good time as she stared unblikningly at the huge tv screen soaking her much starved senses with the charms of the idiot box.(reason: the CAS story in delhi. theres a battle of wits back at zzz home reagrding installation of the new set top box for tv. it is silently held by all the residents that who so ever asks for the new tv first- is automatically going to be labelled the 'most addicted one' to the idiot box. so currently everyone is battling with an ever increasing uneasiness of not having watched tv for almsot25 days!!!)
coming back, as zzz lost her self in the video, suddenly she noticed a guy sitting in the corner having a through and very convinient look at her. zzz is too embarassed and turns around- both of them still trying there french-aagh!!! two guys sitting on the other end quietly munching there snacks- boring!!

after J left, S and zzz went back to the univ. another round of late evening chai followed. S sat there sulking about the infant from bombay, tripped on some stone, the night ended as both worried a little about the unknown future and went back to their homes.

break free

2007-01-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

lemme fly..lemme fly

dont tie me down

lemme fly

dont cut my wings...

lemme fly....

this is not where i belong...

dont bound me in chains

chains of desires...structures...relationships - which gnaw (at) my flesh and her spirit

let me be

what i truly am

ever - loving

free and unbound

2007-01-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

today i clicked on one wrong button and that sent an invitation from my messenger id to all the people in my address list.
i am so embarassed for this, because the invite has been sent to all the people and they must all be wondering if i am in my right sense, that includes my professors, long lost aquaintances and many more.....
i donno how posting this confession here would un-do what has been already done :(((((((((

2007-01-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

saagar kinaare..dil yeh pukare..
tu jo nahin to mera..koi nahin hai

prabhu zjyacha re

2007-01-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

bhae kaae taya,
prabhu zjyacha re
bhae kaae taya....
sarva visarli
prabhu maya jhaali
purna zjyachi vaacha re
bhae kaae taya...

This is the age of illussions. this is an ancient story (i dont want to name it a mythological story) when Nal (from the famous Nal- Damyanti story) caught hold of Kali - the devil, he i.e., Nal decided to kill him. as he was about to do so, Kali spoke to his captor and told that Nal may kill him but first he must know of Kali's significance. Kali (the devil) then spoke of his importance in his age that is the 'Kali-Yuga'. it would be the time of illussions and common simple house-holders (gruhasthas) and the great men alike would be cursed to be caught in the web of various challenges in their path to spiritual enlightenment. but it would be the significance of this age only that common householders would be able to attain their spiritual upliftment (yoga).

are we all experiencing atleast some of the features of this prediction in our current times?
almost everybody experiences a deep desire a hypnotic quest at some points of time in our lives. this feature gets more frequent as a regualr phase in our modern, solitary living.
as things stand today, most of us have had to move out of our homes, away from our families and their emotional support base. almost all are made to appreciate work structures where 'being proffesional' translates as being detached, impersonal and unconcerned.
individualism as a philosophy grafts sterile conditions upon our daily collective existence. i call it as grafting because it is not an organic/natural growth. we as human beings- as one species- the most evolved of all living things on earth are intrinsicly connected...connected at some higher spiritual (lets take it as a hypothesis atleast) level.

one pointer is the feel of desire, that unquenched quest that haunts us all - mostly when we are alone. more often, we may fail to pin-pointedly lay our hands upon what that quest is..
who am I? what is it that I am looking for? is the similiar haunting question. sometimes we may interpret it as something material to be achieved in terms of money, career goals, buying/building our own house, car, etc.
at a slightly deeper level, one may feel the desire..almost a hankering to be with someone...the thrill of a new romance, or companionship from a particular person etc.

and almost everyone experiences a heart-break at some point of time of our mad run for accomplishing these desires. and we may react to it in different ways. for some- getting back to normal may be more easy than others. its generally held that those with good emotional back-up mechanism (mind you which has been kept well oiled- almost all our friends have been thru that phase) tend to normalize sooner.

then the big question is what is it that all of us are looking for? what is that real thing - the hankering for which makes us so anxious. what is it that is that collective common objective, the ultimate goal which tends to vent out in our individual selves as desire for things that we know deep down to be temporary in their satisfaction. things and relationships may never serve the kind of satisfaction which our inner core yearns for.

all of us -as fellow beings need to find out what that goal is, which laid that deep intrinsically collective desire in all humans. it may be dormant in few and extremely keen in others but it is that wish that exists in us all. and because it is constant (in its form and spirit) in each one - its manifestation has to be constant in all too.

umblical chord

2007-01-03T07:01:00.000-08:00

this new year had the usual start to it- or so i thought. i had a big argument with my mom yesterday ( not anything new- i guess for all mothers and daughters). my mom says that our systems would not be able to digest our food if we two were not to fight. but i must add that now days we seldom have the privelege of fully digested meals.
anyways, i give major credit for that to myself!!! i have genuinely believed myself to be the more reasonable of the two of us and it is largely because of my merit and nobility that things stay calm at home...yawn
coming to the point, as you may note that i guessed that there was nothing unsusal about our argument this time also except for it being the first in the new year. but today i explored another aspect of my relationship with my mom. actually this time she was genuinely at fault which she most certainly realized and like a good mom said 'sorry' as well. now whenever my mom says sorry (and thats like the rarest of rare possibilities) - simply the majesty and rarity of the occassion makes all of us bow down in sheer awe and splendour of the moment. the anger and grievances evaporate in thin air and a splendid peace and gratitude envelops us all and that includes my dad most of all ;)
however this time what started off from being somewhat different, turned out to be really different. as i have mentioned we had the freshh argument no 1, 2007 , yesterday evening. mommy dear realized that this case fell in the odd category of sorry-ism from her end, came to my sulk-room and uttered the magicall words. and it felt soooooooo nice and to tell you honestly, i was almost relieved because this time i really did not want to aplogise. she stood there waiting for me to smile back and as the majesty of the moment commanded- i could not resist a faint smile in its response.
so basically that was the ground zero situation when i went to bed last night. easy but not too easy detente hung over the house as the night embraced me with her sleepy gift.
but when i woke up in the morning, a rebellious thought popped up its infant head in me. "why should i give up so easily?" and finding the overall atmosphere in the house favourable, i dug up a fake anger within and greeted the parents with a sullen face. this was also part of a clever starategy to orient my father to the current issue who was uptill now blissfully ignorant about all this. as expected he asked if something was bothereing me and i did not let go off the opportunity.
since then mom has said sorry THREE times (i am begining to feel sadistic about it). she has called up twice to enquire about the mundane things like- how am i doing!! he he
i already feel bored with this new dimension of my mother's love for her unreasonable daughter. and its part of my introspective exercise that i am writing this post. she is expected back soon and i think i am gonna come back to being my normal silly self than this snobbish one. all this is so unlike both of us.
moral of the story- daughters are born to mothers to fight and argue. this is nature's way of training them to become wonderfully accomplished wives. he hehe
ps: all this not to be taken too seriously. this is for TP. so guys don't be scared :)

20th december,2006,10:45 pm

2006-12-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

i had loads of masti today. After all this company, here i wrapp up for tonight

main aap hi
apni premika
main aap hi apni saheli
mere jaisa koi nahin
main hoon
bass ek akeli

khuda-e-aks

2006-12-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

khuda- e- aks hai woh asas
jo po-shida har nasl main hai

mandir, masjid, guru-dwarey
haazirr harr jism main hain
yeh dard-de dil yeh gham- ghuffaar
badolat 'main' ke kohrain hain
zehni hisaabh shakko- shubbha
ruhaani ibbaadat ke kaanten hain

khud- e- aks hai woh asas..

ho marr- mite jinke liye
yeh kown shaks maahir hai
jo ruhaani hi na hue
woh kiss manzar ke saahir hain

khud- e- aks hai woh asas..

jo iss lamhen ragown main teri
mehsoos karra de jannat ko
buland tarak tabhi paa kar
pehchaanega kown peer hai

khud- e- aks hai woh asas..

jo iss lamhe ragown main teri, mehsoos karra de jannat ko

2006-12-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

new post on pcube

2006-12-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

http://politcs-policyphilosophy.blogspot.com/

ganesha

2006-12-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

jai ganapati vandan gana-nayak...

teri chavi ati sundar sukh-daayak
tu chaar bhuja-dhaari, mastak sindoori, roop niralaa
hai mooshak waahan tero, tu hi sabka rakhwala
teri sundar murat mann main, tu paalak siddhi-vinayak

jai ganapati vandan gana-nayak...

mann-mandir ka andhiyaara, tere naam se ho ujjiyaara
tere naam ki jyot jali to, mann main behti sukh dhaara
tera sumiran harr poojan main, sabb se pehle phal-daayak

jai ganpati vandan gana-nayak...

tere naam ko jissne dhyya, uss parr rehti sukh chchaya
mere rom-rom, antar main, ek tera roop samaya
teri mahima tu hi jaane
shiva parvati ke baalak

jai ganapati vandan gana-nayak...

the story of a come back

2006-11-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

The Girl (henceforth- TG) knew the only thing good about hitting rock bottom was - the only way she could go from there was up. She collected all the strength she could muster and decided to make a come back . So she went back nervous and very -very anxious, her heart thumping at a speed that she felt dizzy. “May be this will be over even before it starts”, she thought while climbing the steep stairs, “and I would collapse right here.” At some corner of her conflicting heart she almost wished that would happen and the ordeal may be over even before it began.

She gently knocked at the door and since it was ajar she peeped in. TG remembered the familiar face- the face of her Prof. that commanded respect. But the teacher did not have the similar familiarity to reciprocate from her burnt out memory. ?”- TG wondered if all of them had wiped out her existence from their collective memory. The Professor waiting in her trademark patient (and somehow being positively patient) manner kept looking at TG. “May be all those years of formal education does work that trick on at least some of them”- TG thought.

Standing there at the door of the class – her class- TG almost pleaded with her unrelenting heart to slow down and dared a hesitant glance at the seating area. Her eyes came across at least 60 young faces – familiar faces ..all of them surfacing from the bottom chambers of her vague, hazy memory to her present moment of ordeal- “may be if she looked deeper in their eyes at least some would acknowledge her existence.” As if to serve a proof to her claim to be present at the moment and place where she was present – an institution to which she had earned her position. TG could not help but wonder.

As a divine intervention from the heavens, it turned out that the Professor was in a rush to finish the topic which she had planned for the day and asked TG a simple question which did not call for any explanations at least at that moment. TG was equally simple in her reply – “Yes Professor, I am from this class” and taking a deep breath quickly walked right inside.

There she was – HB seated alone on the second row from the front corner. As TG hesitated for a second, HB shifted a little inside towards the wall to make space for TG, signaling TG’s first acceptance in her second innings at the institute.

The initial few days rolled on quickly for TG as she was too caught up in the string of official procedures and explanations- submitting innumerable copies of applications and certificates of medical records. After receiving the final green signal to re-join the institute, TG was immersed in catching up with the ocean of pending work (projects, presentations, and reports - assignments that had long back faded from the collective class memory (who copied what from where, which text was good and which one was not to the teacher’s liking…) as everyday students battled with perennial course work assignments that kept popping up like giant monsters ever ready to gobble them up.

TG knew it was a challenge. Slowly TG was faced with a greater challenge of a nature to which she had not clue how to solve. Although no body seemed rude, the class was coldly indifferent towards her. “May be they are too caught up in their own respective cycles of work, too comfy in their own personal zones of trust, friendship and hostilities. Who would like to make space for someone who was a fresher in this game of competition and jealousies -the rules for which had been long decided and the contending groups long recognized? Is that not the way our education system works? Training people to survive in this modern world where it’s a battle everyday. The institute was doing its job well.” TG knew she had herself got into this situation.

TG had sensed abrupt silences that fell when she had walked in the cafeteria or common rooms. There were surprised glances and cold vibes and TG knew the gossip mills were working overtime providing quick fix entertainment and optimum degree of kicks to tired brains and over stressed bodies along with their daily supplements of caffeine and nicotine. TG wondered if anybody really bothered to know the truth as different from fiction. If she could ever break that circle of ice where she was trapped- frozen and lonely very lonely.

It was around this time when TG had a chance meeting with HB in the university special bus on their way back home. As HB boarded the bus and looked around for any vacant seats, TG signaled her to come and occupy the seat next to her. That day as they traveled back few things fell in a perspective for TG.

Both of them talked about casual stuff for a while and then all of a sudden HB smiled gently at TG and said: “you know I never knew that you were the friendly types…..uummm I mean I thought you liked to keep to yourself.”
TG : “Do I come out like that?”
After few seconds of awkward unsure silence TG spoke first:
TG : “Actually I have been finding it so difficult to break in, you know….everybody is so caught up. I feel nobody wants to hear my side of the story.”
HB : “What is it TG?”
TG : “HB can you tell me what’s going on?”
HB : “I don’t know much yaar but I believe there are at least three versions of your story doing the rounds – a) you went on a long leave to appear for your civil services exams; b) you went to some overseas university and have come back for some reason and; c) that you had some relationship problem…”

TG knew that in a place like this there were broadly three category of people : those who eat, drink, sleep dreaming to crack the civil services exam, second are the types whose aim in life is to get a foren degree and the third are the types who do the above two and more to either catch a boy/girl friend or keep one.

She could now locate the insecurity inside those heads. However what appeared most important to TG at that moment was to find one courageous soul (HB) who was mature and sensitive enough to ask TG and not follow the herd mentality by believing the hear say. Someone who was self assured and genuinely wanted to hear what TG had to say about her reasons for long absence. Both of them found a true friend that day.

Years after that day, once TG asked HB about what made her reveal the truth to TG and she said that she wanted to follow her heart and not the rumors. Even today TG wonders about the need of modern civilized societies to spice up their lives with ill-founded rumours at someone else’s cost.

time flows

2006-11-25T03:41:00.000-08:00

i have a sense of this moment
a moment of vague realization
granting me the rare peek into the distant horizon
the soothing melting enveloping realization -
it is time,
realization that i may have to go
if i have to come back.
that what has passed may be over
then is this the moment of final separation?
what it could be i know not
but this is it, i know for sure

goodness gracious grace

2006-11-20T03:22:00.000-08:00

Hi there, my name is Grace. As you all can see I am a dog but what you don’t know is that I am a happy dog. And here goes my story:
I am soon going to be one year old. I have been adopted by a family that wanted to get a pet for their four year old son. Oh boy! That is a four year old terror, who thinks himself to be Hanumana and runs around the whole house in his chaddi with a gada in his hand!!!
Now, life was good, I normally would have a eventful day packed with lots of eating+sleeping+playing+masti. One day a stupid girl came to visit my family. It looked as if she had enough of that Hanumana bhakta (you know with his gada and supernatural powers, he can be an unnerving experience for the weak hearted).

As for me, I am always happy to see others (particularly strangers). As a policy I always display my exhilaration while meeting guests…err, frankly speaking towards everybody and anybody ranging from carpenters, barbers, sweepers, post men right up to the thieves. I ardently believe in a ‘no woof’ policy. Yes at times, I do rarely woof at my owners when they do unreasonable things like- don’t let me lick from their plates or get cozy on their warm beds.

As far as that stupid girl is concerned, trust me – I made all efforts to please her: I would go and pick her shoes and slippers and hide them in such choicest places. I would make sure that the timing was perfect, so the moment she would step in one of her shoes, I would swiftly grab the other and run off. But all this to no avail. Even tearing her clothes did not help…sigh
I say she was a real snoot. I would even go and slobber her while she was sleeping but nothing, just about nothing worked on her. Good ridden now that she has gone back.

And did I tell you how stupid she was- she could not even pronounce my lovely name properly and would always call me dis Grace. How stupid, but see i am so nice,I still never woof at her.